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 Satire: Hillary Tries to Fatten Up the CompetitionPosted on Jun 2, 2007In a move that raised eyebrows among observers of the 2008 campaign for the Democratic nomination for president, Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., today sent former Vice President Al Gore a gift basket laden with high-calorie treats. While the basket, chock full of such sumptuous snacks as chocolate croissants and pecan buns, was ostensibly a gift to congratulate Mr. Gore on the publication of his new book, “The Assault on Reason,” some members of the former vice president’s staff saw more sinister motives in Sen. Clinton’s choice of a present. With Mr. Gore battling his waistline in recent years, any potential run for the White House in 2008 would presumably require a period of dieting and slimming down—processes that the basket of lip-smacking temptations seemed calculated to thwart. At a press conference in Washington this morning, Carol Foyler, a senior member of Mr. Gore’s staff, told reporters that the basket of sugary delicacies had been “immediately identified as a threat to the vice president” and disposed of. “At first we considered hiding the basket,” Ms. Foyler said. “Then we determined that it would be better to move the basket to an undisclosed location, where it was destroyed.” Responding to the furor over the gift, Sen. Clinton called a press conference asking for forgiveness, claiming that she “meant no harm” in giving Mr. Gore the carbohydrate-rich basket. “I value my friendship with with Al Gore,” Sen. Clinton said. “And, as a peace offering, I hope he will accept this case of Twinkies.” Elsewhere, Dick Cheney welcomed his sixth grandchild into the world, meaning he now has more grandchildren than draft deferments. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”
© 2007 Creators Syndicate Inc.
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By Jeff, June 4, 2007 at 8:32 am # Perhaps Al should thank her by buying her a blue dress, and asking her to hold his cigar while he munches down on the treats she sent him.
By Tom Doff, June 4, 2007 at 2:47 am # It’s not yet been reported in the MSM that Al Gore, personally, responded to being gifted by Hillary of the very sweet goodie-pack, by sending her an enormous gift pack of EPT’s (Early Pregnancy Test kits). ‘While I do not personally believe in virgin pregnancies’, Mr. Gore explained, ‘I cannot rule them out, and based on Ms. Clinton’s recent speeches and her tendency to self-fornicate, I’m offering her protection from the possibility that she would become horribly bloated and misshapen right in the middle of the forthcoming campaign season, which would be extremely traumatic to a person of her unbridled vanity’. ‘I was just trying to be a nice guy’, Al offered in an aside, ‘Because of my great due respect for Hillary’.
By Louise, June 3, 2007 at 7:46 pm # A highly placed unidentified official source from within the Clinton Campaign Headquarters, who wishes to remain anonymous, has just revealed the luscious goodies were actually intended for a “Hillary binge” following the Democrat debate. She just can’t help it,” the source said. “She just has to unwind after the pressure of those things, and drinking is out of the question!” Members of the press asked how on earth Hillary maintained her slim trim appearance given her pension for calories? “That’s just it,” the source responded, “if we didn’t intercept these deliveries, who knows where the Senator might grow, uh I mean go? Refusing to expand further on the matter, he simply stated, “The Senator was terribly embarrassed following the revelation that the goodies were sent to Gore and felt he was owed an apology.” Meanwhile, Miss Suger Coded, Senator Clintons dietician vehemently denied everything. Including the alleged case of Twinkies. “We don’t do Twinkies!” She said.
By Tony, June 3, 2007 at 4:18 pm # Please excuse the comment “not related” to post. We are running late and scrambling to get the word out.
By THOMAS BILLIS, June 2, 2007 at 5:51 pm # Hilllary also got Al Gore a gift membership in dessert of the week club.It may work against her she should remember how many fat Americans there are and that people want to vote for someone who is shaped like they are.Pretty soon they only people who will be able to run for President will be William Howard Taft look a likes. Add Your Comment |
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