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Bush Strips Libby of Nickname

Posted on Mar 11, 2007

By Andy Borowitz

Just hours after Vice President Dick Cheney’s former chief of staff I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby was found guilty in his trial relating to the CIA leak scandal, Mr. Libby suffered another setback as President George W. Bush officially stripped him of his nickname in a somber White House ceremony.

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“Scooter Libby, you are Scooter Libby no more,” Mr. Bush declared, to the applause of Mr. Cheney and top White House aides. “You are now just plain old I. Lewis Libby.”

Mr. Bush told reporters that he decided to strip Mr. Libby of his nickname because “I hardly knew the man.”

Referring to Mr. Libby’s trial, Mr. Bush said, “Just like Lewis Libby can’t remember anything he did in the five years he worked here, I can’t remember him working here at all.”

White House spokesman Tony Snow said that Mr. Libby’s former nickname, Scooter, would likely be reassigned to someone else in the upper echelon of the administration.


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“We may start calling Postmaster General John E. Potter ‘Scooter’ Potter,’ ” Mr. Snow said. “It’s a good nickname for the postmaster general because it makes him sound all speedy and all.”

For his part, Mr. Libby was philosophical about being convicted on four out of five counts in his perjury trial, telling reporters, “One out of five ain’t bad.”

“This verdict means that I was telling the truth 20 percent of the time,” Mr. Libby said. “That’s still way above average for this administration.”

Elsewhere, a lunar eclipse occurred over the weekend when former Vice President Al Gore briefly stepped in front of the moon.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.”

© 2007 Creators Syndicate

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By Margaret Currey, March 19, 2007 at 3:33 pm Link to this comment
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Libby will be set free because the real person behind all this is Chaney and you can bet that Bushie Boy knew about this because he wanted to go to war and the seceracy these two hid from the American public is an impeachable act he (Bush) knew the information was false but he went ahead with the war and the administration knew that the president has more powers when a country goes to war, what a way to get rid of democracy, this is what happened in Natzi Germany, start a war take away freedom then you can work on the judicial branch and congress, Bushie Boy was really thinking that congress was his rubber stamp.

As soon as Nancy Paloci became the new speaker of the house the snarling dog Dick “shotgun” Chaney started doing what he does best. 

People must realize if you have a smaller government there is a lot more to be hidden.  Don’t let these neocons take over our government.

Of course they have allready compromized the election process, Bush did not get the popular vote and Jeb and Kathleen Harris had their job allready set up as soon as Bushie Boy becaue governor and then had the sights on being president, an Emperor who wears no clothes.

Margaret from Vancouver, Washington

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By jessica, March 18, 2007 at 1:14 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Nothing but i want to remember you ... Just like this .... and sorry ... and good bye

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By Bukko in Australia, March 14, 2007 at 4:08 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Dale, one of the marks of good satire is that it’s “under-the-top” enough that it just MIGHT be true. That said, Borowitz doesn’t usually write good satire…

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By Dennis D, March 13, 2007 at 7:52 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Don’t worry he’ll give him the “Scooter” back with the pardon.

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By Dale Headley, March 13, 2007 at 10:26 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

How stupid am I?  I was almost to the end of this article before I realized it was satire.  But in my defense, just about everything this incompetent bunch of boobs has done since they’ve been in power pretty much qualifies as satire.

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By John Hanks, March 12, 2007 at 8:59 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The Bush criminals always abandon people when they are no longer useful to them.  “Like a good for nothing cock, without having won the victory, the Busheviks always walk away and crow”

Socrates (loosely)

Anger is tiresome.  Black hatred is serene.

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By MnMnM50, March 12, 2007 at 7:10 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Scooter Libby found guilty on four counts; decides to cut a deal?
Recent clues point to Abbott and Costello as original architects of Plame Leak.
Grand Jury testimony of Scooter Libby, former Chief of Staff of the United States (COSTUS) for the Vice President, leaked by Rove-ing reporter (humor).

It is posted at: Libby Knows who Leaked First

Bobbing and weaving, a tangled web we do.  Book him, Danno.
Please keep my identity a secret. Double super Secret.
Middle-aged, Middle-of-the-road, Mid-Westerner

We can only hope that Fitz doesn’t fizzle. 
I think Mr. Fitzgerald’s motto should be: “If you do a white collar crime then you will serve blue collar time.” Look where he lodged Judith Miller.  A few months in a blue collar jail and she was ready to sing.  Unfortunately, she says she forgot the words

The Times the Post & the New Republic They Should Be A-Changin

Bloggers Request:

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won’t come again
And don’t speak too soon
For the wheel’s still in spin
And there’s no tellin’ who
That it’s namin’.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the Times & Post should be a-changin’.

Good Bye Sulzberger, Keller, Miller, and Woodward!

Fitzgerald’s response:

Come politician’s, journalists
Please heed the call
Don’t stand in the doorway
Don’t block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled

There’s a battle outside
And it is ragin’.
It’ll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the Sentencing, its a-comin’.

—Bob Dylan
Perhaps for Rove?

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By Fred Fabishak, March 12, 2007 at 4:10 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

You think that just once - they could impose the Death Penalty !!!

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By Moe Hare, March 12, 2007 at 12:14 pm Link to this comment
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Behind every great fortune is a crime!

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By Margaret Currey, March 12, 2007 at 9:20 am Link to this comment
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Libby can be pardoned if the whole administration is under the impeachment act.  Impeachment should begun because this administration is not going to let any bills pass, the war will go on against the wishes of congress and the people. 

The only thing left is impeachment, Libby has shown Chaney to be an extremely rightwing hawk, has shown Bushie Boy to be led by the Vice President.

The only honest person left in this report will be Al Gore, and even if Al has gained weight, being on the compaign trail will make him lose weight, after all weight can be gained or lost at the will of the person, you know being a teacher does not leave a lot of room for exercise.  And Al Gore is a big man, a lot bigger than Bush or Chaney, Al Gore looks better in his extra weight than does Dick “shotgun” Chaney.

Margaret from Vancouver, WA

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By Dr J E Anderson, March 12, 2007 at 1:39 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Can we impeach this ship of fools! This man is stripping a man of a nick name. Everyone know s you cant have a scooter and a shooter in the same house! Seriously The sad fact is that shooter is still collecting money from Haliburton as he is in office so he will have all this blood money that comes from the soldiers like my adopted little brother Casey Sheehan. Bush while stripping scooter of his bushism nickname should himself be stripped from power for not have had gone to one soldiers funeral of either front of the war.  We went to war on a vendetta to avenge the elected George H.W. Bush because the decider in cheif does not take kindly to those his father just look at what he did to the former governor of Texas Ann Richards. The fact is the congress needs to impeach Shooter and then go for W. with the innocent lives they have sent off likelittle brother Casey Sheehan in an illegal war. here is a man who was my neighbor and when Iasked him to say happy birthday to my mother a life long black republican with more than 2 months notice he never responded at 80. I am a republican who voted for Gore and Kerry later because I lived in Dc and I knew he was not an honest man because I had one question to ask and that was where did he get his initial campaign money because I suspected it came from the money stolen by Neil Bush’s exploits with California’s Silverado savings and loan scandal who left a dear elderly friend penniless. that money mushroomed in the economic boom years under William Jefferson Clinton’s administration. My one questionwhere di he get his initial campaign finance from since he took no matching campaign dollars he failed to reveal where the money came from. Lets Impeach them all and make campaign finance regulated to all be subjected public matching dollars. capped at a set spending limit. Billion dollar campaigns for office will keep lobbiests and special interests at bay and possibly a campaigne on issues and not some scandal

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By Kol Klink, March 12, 2007 at 1:16 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

He told the truth 20% of the time? Perhaps those truths would be…what he and Dick had for breakfast and what size prison garb he will require.

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By Bukko in Australia, March 11, 2007 at 9:45 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Louise has nailed it when it comes to a new nickname for Libby: “LIAR.”

Don’t wait for Bush to bestow it, though. He couldn’t bring himself to utter the word. Because if he did, you know how your grandmother would tell you that if you kept making that funny face, YOUR face would freeze like that? Well, if Bush ever spoke the word “liar” his vocal cords would lock on that utterance, and all he would be able to do for the rest of his life is go sround saying “liar liar liar.”

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By Sheriff Ali, March 11, 2007 at 3:45 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)


Deceit was on the agenda
Plans of outrageous propaganda,
Then came September eleven
Bush and Cheney’s gift from heaven

Now all the lies are coming home to roost
They are longing for a truce,
The jury did not see a forgetful demeanor
Libby was a calculating serial perjurer

Imagine distorting the pre-war intelligence
While vituperating shameless imprudence,
Bush and Cheney took our Brave, Bold and Great
And placed them inside of Hade’s gate

Even with thousands of soldiers dead and gone
Each day a thousand plus Jihadists are born
America! Demand we withdraw the troops!
For these two despots never wore the boots!

© Sheriff Ali 2007

Author’s Comments

In the movie Scarface, Al Pacino said; “I tell the truth even when I lie.”  Bush, Cheney and Rice – “they lie even when they tell the truth!”

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By Quy Tran, March 11, 2007 at 1:47 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Hey, Bush! you’re so disgusting !

Poor Scooter, because he was trapped and framed in the criminal, illegal, immoral and ungrateful
administration !

Everybody wanted to spit at this dynasty !

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By Louise, March 11, 2007 at 12:50 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

“This verdict means that I was telling the truth 20 percent of the time,” Mr. Libby said. “That’s still way above average for this administration.”

Right on Scooter! And where does Bush get off taking your nickname away anyhow? He never gave it to you!

(What a liar)

Everyone knows perfectly well your father blessed you Scooter as recognition for your outstanding ability to quickly cross your crib!

As the only known living example of a member of the Bush administration who lies only 80 percent of the time, I think we need to erect a monument to you!

Thanks Andy, hee-hee!

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By Terry Sloth, March 11, 2007 at 11:52 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I Libby might be a perfect name, if Scooter decides to resume his career as an author, In 1996 Libby published a novel entitled “The Apprentice” the novel, described as an everyday tale of bestiality, pedophilia and sexual perversion, dwelled on prepubescent girls and their training as prostitutes”: “One passage describes a girl being thrown into a cage ‘with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons….They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest. Groups of men paid to watch.

Given the plot of the above manuscript, Scooter would be better off being known as MR X.

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By Polly Ester, March 11, 2007 at 11:36 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

If the “I” stands for Irving, Scooter will need another nickname—-no self-respecting Jewish felon wants to go to prison known as Irving Libby; lawyer and top aid to a DICK.  What will the other convicts think about a prisoner named Irving?  That name might remind them of all the crummy lawyers named Irving, that were assigned to take their case—-and since they’re doing
time—-that name won’t make them too happy. 

Now Irving was an attorney who committed perjury ONLY 80 percent of the time—20 percent of the time he was telling the truth—-well, I would say that is damn good; everyone knows lawyers lie 100 percent of the time!

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By David Worcester, March 11, 2007 at 10:32 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

How did Al Gore get into this? Especially his weight. Who cares?

Except for self deprecating humor, I don’t find fat jokes funny whether or not I like the victim of the joke. I dislike misogynistic ‘humor’, gay bashing jokes and the like. The whole class of this intolerant humor defects thought, compassion, understanding, growth and the evolution of ideas.

So please save such negative humor for oneself, for we all need to laugh at ourselves from time to time, and leave the mindless meanness to others. There is plenty of fodder in the contradictions, foibles, and inconsistencies we see every day to make us groan, cry or laugh.

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By gryphyn, March 11, 2007 at 7:20 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

fat jokes aren’t funny and neither are you Borowitz

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By James Yell, March 11, 2007 at 6:21 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

This would be funnier if it wasn’t at heart, so near the truth and then there are all the needless death coming from this administration. It is so outrageous of itself, humor just can’t deal with it.

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By Bert, March 11, 2007 at 5:08 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

They’ll be calling him prisoner #468799, and he’ll be making license plates or furniture or something…but, Cheney won’t, and that’s kind of the problem here, because ‘Scooter’ is headed to the Big House, but only ‘cause he’s falling on his sword for all of this. And, chances are, Libby will get pardoned, and public accountability will have yet again been dodged.
That is, unless Congress, as a body, manifests the collective resolve to put a stop to this entire tired sorry charade…

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