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 Andy Borowitz: Rosie-Trump Feud Advances Doomsday ClockPosted on Jan 19, 2007The ongoing feud between Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump could have deadly consequences for the world if either obtained nuclear weapons, a group of leading nuclear scientists announced today. The Chicago-based Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, founded in 1945 as a publication by nuclear physicists worried about the possibility of nuclear war, expressed their concern about the Rosie-Trump brouhaha by moving the fabled Doomsday Clock forward to three minutes to zero. The scientists’ announcement left little doubt that they see the brutal smackdown between Mr. Trump and Ms. O’Donnell as the most likely harbinger of Armageddon. “Clearly, if either Rosie O’Donnell or Donald Trump obtained nuclear weapons, the world would be burnt to a crisp,” said Stephen Hawking, the famed cosmologist and mathematician. “We haven’t been so concerned since fighting broke out between Liza Minnelli and David Gest.” While the scientists offered no solutions to their downbeat scenario, such as economic sanctions against Mr. Trump or a naval embargo against Ms. O’Donnell, it was their hope that by moving the Doomsday Clock to three minutes to midnight they would catch the attention of world leaders. But according to the University of Minnesota’s Davis Logsdon, who studies nuclear proliferation among unhinged celebrities, the scientists’ assessment of the threat posed by the Rosie-Trump dust-up may be overdone. “It’s not as if Naomi Campbell got hold of a nuke and threw it at the world,” he said. Elsewhere, women are more likely to binge-drink in their 20s but curb the habit by the time they reach 40, according to a study published today in the Journal of Lindsay Lohan. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of “The Republican Playbook.” To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2007 Creators Syndicate
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Jump to Comments
By Louise, January 24, 2007 at 4:25 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Thanks Andy, for putting Trump and Rosie where they belong ... in THE ABSURDLY IRRELEVANT!
Report thisBy Beth Lundeen, January 22, 2007 at 5:23 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
anybody seen this year’s apprentice?
Last night somebody actually told him to stuff it.... she quit.
thanks but no thanks.
This gives me hope. I was channel surfing during the last five minutes and caught this brave woman’s retort.
Bully for her.
Trump is a creep.
I’m with Rosie on this one..
Report thisBy Polly Ester, January 20, 2007 at 5:45 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
The war on terror has morphed into a war of
Report thisegos-who will win Mr. Hair or Ms. Mouth-at the moment it looks like Ms. Mouth is gaining public empathy, and Mr. Hairs hair has gone to his head, his hair is overwhelming is scalp, taking over his forehead and quickly growing inward effecting is judgment; soon Mr. Hairs hair will encroach on to his entire face making him look like a simian mobster or, perhaps a Chia Head-in fact, what a great idea for Trump Enterprises-Trump Chia Heads, available in three different sizes--large, super large and extra duper large; ego not included.
By Quy Tran, January 20, 2007 at 11:12 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Why should we pay attention to Trump and O’Donnell ? We have a lot of works to be done, for instance, feeding our dogs ! These human beings (?) only know how to make themselves satisfy with their own pleasures. They’re so close to monkeys !
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