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 Satire by Andy Borowitz: Naughty Outnumber Nice in New SurveyPosted on Dec 24, 2006In a University of Minnesota survey designed to determine who is naughty and who is nice, the naughty outnumbered the nice by a whopping 3-to-1 margin, the university revealed today. The survey, conducted by the university’s Opinion Research Institute, showed that 70 percent of Americans identify themselves as naughty while only 22 percent identify themselves as nice, with 8 percent defining themselves as “other.” According to the survey, Democrats were twice as likely as Republicans to admit that they were naughty, while Republicans were more likely to claim that they had been nice, only later to be found out to have been naughty. Davis Logsdon, who supervised the survey, said that the rise of the naughty, along with the steady decline of the nice, can be attributed to two major factors. “The Internet has spread naughtiness at a rate that few of us could have anticipated,” Mr. Logdson said. “Also, some of the credit has to go to the Fox network.” In another part of the survey, the number of Americans who know that they are sleeping was slightly edged by the number of Americans who know that they are awake. According to Mr. Logsdon, those numbers are the reverse of a poll taken in 2004, when more Americans defined themselves as sleeping than awake: “Some of that may have been due to the presidential campaign of Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.).” Elsewhere, obesity may be caused not by eating habits but by bacteria in one’s guts, according to a study underwritten by the American Society of Gluttons. Copyright 2006 Creators Syndicate Inc. SHARE THIS TRUTHDIG ARTICLE:
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Clinton Pick Wins Conservatives’ Approval
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Jump to Comments
By Nancy, December 27, 2006 at 2:39 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
LOL! Don’t blame the internet for their naughtiness. A hammer is only as smart as the person using it after all. The internet only helped to reveal it! And for that, it’s worth it’s weight in gold. For now anyway.
Report thisBy Mark Johaningsmeir, December 27, 2006 at 10:14 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Although the University of Minnesota conducted this as a national survey, I suspect that if the respondants were limited to Minnesota, the results would have been significantly different.
I would imagine much HIGHER “naughty” responses, given the prevalence of Catholic and Lutheran guilt - which has spread to other sectors of the Minnesota public, as well.
If anyone has data on this subject, I would be very pleased to receive it.
Report thisBy menot, December 26, 2006 at 7:55 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Praise to the survey for confirming what I have suspected for a long time: Bill Clinton is really a Republican!
Report thisBy Eleanore Kjellberg, December 24, 2006 at 5:46 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
The most recent survey stated that Americans who sleepwalk can gracefully throw on their denims, quietly jump into their oversized SUVS and hypnotically, and instinctively head straight to a 24 hour McDonalds, where they order a Big Mac; Big N Tasty and Double Quarter Pounder with cheese all to be washed down with a large chocolate milkshake, while digesting this meager midnight snack they can effortlessly drive back home in this same state of slumber—-only to awaken the following morning to Fox News and incredible gas pains.
Report thisBy Quy Tran, December 24, 2006 at 10:44 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Once cheater always a cheater. He could not hide the truth. Nice or naughty everybody knows.
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