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Molly Ivins: Campaign ‘06—Goodbye and Good Riddance

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Posted on Nov 6, 2006

AUSTIN, Texas—Right to the end, this insane conversation between reality and Not Reality. The president of the United States STILL says we are reducing terrorism by fighting in Iraq; STILL says we are creating democracy; STILL says we’re preventing the spread of nuclear weapons and making Israel more secure; and, shoddiest of all, STILL not allowing that our fallen have died in vain.

The vice president, meanwhile, has announced that, all things considered in Iraq, “if you look at the general, overall situation, [the Iraqi government is] doing remarkably well.” And now he’s gone off to hunt in South Dakota, thus demonstrating a perfectly balanced sense of reality. South Dakota is so sparsely populated, it’s really hard to hit another hunter.

Meanwhile, in case you hadn’t noticed, Iraq is in a state of full collapse. And Afghanistan is not far from it. Baghdad is worse off for water, sewer, electricity and infrastructure than it was before the war. The R’s have taken care of the whole problem with the brilliance we have come to expect from them—they have decided to abolish the Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction (which has exposed bribery, contracts to cronies, shoddy work, the loss of billions of dollars, the failure to track hundreds of thousands of weapons shipped there, and more). You must admit this is big, bold and brainy. This is Karl Rove problem-solving at its best.

This campaign has been like getting stuck in Alice’s Wonderland for three months. “There is no use trying,” Alice said, “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” replied the White Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Every time you turn around, you run into the Jabberwocky or the Frumious Bandersnatch—Richard Perle in penitence—or some other equally fantastic sight. The great Skywriter in the Sky has positively run amok with irony and has been splashing it all over the campaign like Jackson Pollock. Fortunately, it is not my duty to lend dignity to the proceedings. I do make it a rule to skip talk of sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll—but when Mark Foley turns out to be the chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children, you know you just have to sit down like a tired dog and scratch for a while.

While this perfectly insane dialogue has been taking place, Congress stands before us so hopelessly corrupt that the stench has washed all over the country. Perhaps my least favorite excuse for cheating is “Everybody does it.” NO, everybody DOESN’T do it. Nor does the system make you do it, or alcohol or drugs or Jack Abramoff. I do not want to hear one more excuse—apologize and go.

On the other hand, I am really going to miss the stories this Congress provided. Remember Terri Schiavo? I mean, you wake up one morning and there it is, kind of like finding Fidel Castro in the refrigerator. And you listen to these people who hold high elective office having this debate—as though they know, as though they have any idea, as though they have any right. And then there are some of the troops, like Randy “Duke” Cunningham, semi-owner of the houseboat The Duke-Stir. Some days you couldn’t wait to get up to find out who’d been indicted. I miss watching Katherine Harris from Florida wear less and less blue eye shadow as she went through her Senate race.

Well, it’s been rank—racist, sleazy, lying and full of insinuating scare tactics. Thank God it’s over.

To find out more about Molly Ivins and see works by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Copyright 2006 Creators Syndicate Inc.

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By ion c. laskaris, November 8, 2006 at 1:08 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Why not create a posse commitatus to kidnap Molly and Bill Moyers and plunk them down somewhere in the Northeast boonies until they agree to run as a U.S. president/vice-president team on a new “born again” Renaissance Evergreen Party, (REP!) to help us get rid of all this Republicrat Demmican trash infesting American history.

Kiss off the electoral college, and allow any new party with petitions equal to 1% of town/city, district/county, or state adult population to file a slate for president, with public financing of elections only. Time for another Boston Tea Party!
Ion C. Laskaris,Burlington,Vt.+ iclrevusa.com Laskaris

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By Mite, November 8, 2006 at 11:56 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly:
You say it is over? Only in your dreams Molly. Everyone’s attention is focused on Iraq, Iran, and the dirty little sins of Congress these past 6 years. Well; the real story is the treason committed by this Congress from 1913 to the present.(2006)
The Federal Reserve Act, IRS, CIA Mokenbird False flag operation controlling the media and press, 911-WTC, Building #7, Patriot Acts I & 2, North American Union, Military Commissions Act 2006, and this democratic house appointing a woman from California as leader of the House before a vote.
These individuals in Congress are working for the Bank Cartels, the New World Order, CFR, only politicians approved by these banks are backed for election. A real patriot could never be elected to Congress.
Watch America- Freedom to Fascism, Terrorstorm on Video-Google.
If we keep accepting the media’s information as facts and refuse to research the truth on our own, we deserve the police state. Remember all the men and women who died and served this country in the so called fight for freedom and terror. Think about this world and how our chidren will be enslaved by these evil individuals.

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By sbenjamins, November 8, 2006 at 10:03 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly you and your friends have redeemed texas’ esteem. Enjoy the reign of redress.

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By Martha, November 8, 2006 at 10:01 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Thank you again, Molly, you have been an idol for me for years and you just keep getting better.  These 19th century racist, warmongers, power mad crooks, liars and thieves finally got put in their place, almost, still have to bring them to the bar of justice, if we still have one.  Yogi, your joke was the best I’ve seen in many a year!

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By Chris Tandy, November 8, 2006 at 9:55 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

“........so sparsley populated, it’s really hard to hit another hunter”
Thank you Molly, I really needed a laugh like that, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris Tandy

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By Lily Maskew, November 8, 2006 at 9:36 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Thank you once again, Molly, for your down to earth comments.  I’m taking some after-election-day breaths,and then gearing up.  At least now we have a more even field.

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By Jimmy Montague, November 8, 2006 at 5:42 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly Ivins is a national treasure.

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By Maureen Mellon, November 8, 2006 at 1:10 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Not necessarily Mark F.  The country was not devided as it is now until George W. was appointed President in 2000.  We were not at war. We did not have trillions of dollors worth of debt. None of our young soldiers 2,800 plus or the 600,00 plus Iraqui’s had died.  We did not have the scandals or the corruption by lobyist and representatives on such a wholescale basis.  We were not living in fear the way we are today....and all for one reason only GREED!
Hopefully this is a great lesson for the American people.  Now we need to reach out to our fellow Americans.  Evidentally, especially to the Evangelical Christians who voted in record numbers for Democrates this election.  They are welcome under the DemocraticTent.  We will need them in 2008.  We are an inclusive party not exclusive.  We need to bring our troops home and spread peace in the world.  Peace begins here with us at home.  I am reminded of another President and I quote him in the wee hours of this wonderful morning.......
“Let us examen our attitude toward peace itself.  Too many of us think it is impossible.  Too many of us think it is unreal.  But that is a dangerous defeatist belief.  It leads to the conclusion that war is inevitable - that mankind is doomed - that we are gripped by forces we cannot control.
We need not accept that now.  Our problems are manmade - therefore they can be solved by man.  And man can be as big as he wants.  No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.  Man’s reason and spirit have often solved the seemingly unsolvable - and, we believe they can do it again. 
So let us not be blind to our differences - but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to means by which those differences can be resolved.  And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can make the world safe for diversity .  For in the final analysis our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet.  We all breath the same air.  We all cherish our children’s future.  And we are all mortal.

PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY 10 JUNE 1963American University

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By Claudia, November 7, 2006 at 10:34 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly,

May all the gods and goddesses bless you.  Your writing has kept me going through all this mess.  You are one of my sheroes, and I do not lightly confer that honor. 

Our friend Judythe would be proud of all of us--America, you, all our friends who stood up and voted, or put their lives or careers on the line to keep writing and talking about what our country is all about and what’s happened to it in the current administration.

The first glimmer of hope--too late for those who have died, those who have been tortured, their voices co-opted.  But I love it that you keep the light bright and clear.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, and for the health and sanity of our country.  Most of all for your courage and wit.  Next time I see you I will give you a huge, loving hug.

Claudia

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By lawlessone, November 7, 2006 at 10:47 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

“WHEN IT’S BEEN WADDLING AND QUACKING FOR SIX FULL YEARS, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS”
Or, Duck, the Republicans Are In Charge

Republican Presidency.  Republican dominated Senate.  Republican dominated House.  Republican controlled Supreme Court.  Republican secret courts.  Republican appointed military Chiefs of Staff, NSA and CIA.  Republican hired directors of all bureaucracies like FEMA, FCC and FTC.  Republican directed and paid government “inspectors,” “prosecutors” and “regulators.” Republican owned newspapers, radio and tv stations, and networks.  Republican press releases unexamined.  Republican large, loud chorus of professional “pundits” controlling the microphones.  Republican CEO monopoly of oil, gas, drug, chemical, lumber, insurance, banks, credit and “defense” companies and contractors.  Republican Stock Exchange.  The Republican “philosophy” that the end justifies any means.  The new Republican version of the Constitution and Bill of Rights.  Republican selected “Ambassadors.” The “real” Republican reasons for invading other countries.  Republican conduct of the occupation since starting the wars.  Republican only TV evangelists and their reinterpretation of Christ had to say.  Lobbyist firms on K Street only allowed to hire Republicans.  Republican campaign contributors and PACs and the dollars they raised to out-buy and drown out dissent.  And perhaps most importantly, the Republican demanded and Republican supplied, hackable, paperless, tracerless, all-electronic voting machines. 

Just how many reasons do we need to finally vote for someone else?  Anyone else!

Few are fond of the current crop of Democrats and wish there were a third choice, but after six years of total and complete power, Republicans are no longer entitled to continue blaming Clinton for the total and complete mess that is being made today.  Someone new might not do better, but they could hardly do worse, especially since the only promise the Republicans are making these days about the mess is that they plan to continue it and make it bigger.

[more at resistence-is-possible.blogspot.com]

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By Maureen Mellon, November 7, 2006 at 10:04 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Thank you Molly!!

When I completely dispaired about this administration and what in the name of God they were up to.....I’d find your report and feel some hope!  One more time I would like to encourage everyone to vote.....Please!!!!!  Hopefully it will make a difference this time!!!!!

Your fair mindedness in the face of this insanity has been something to behold.  Your sense of proportion, humor and clear sighted reports have helped to keep us all sane.  TODAY keep repeating over and over again “This too shall pass”........and it will. 

DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO MAKE SURE THEY DON’T STEAL THIS ELECTION THIS TIME!!!!! 

BLESS YOU MOLLY FOR JUST BEING YOU AND FOR YOUR STRAIGHT FORWARD REPORTING.  YOU TRULY ARE A WOMAN OF COURAGE.  SO ARE THE DIXIE CHICKS.  UNBELIEVABLE HOW THEY PAID FOR THEIR FREEDOM OF SPEECH.  REAL FEAR OF WOMEN POWER OUT THERE, SO BE CAREFUL, THEY ARE VINDICTIVE!!!!

BECAUSE OF YOU, THE DIXIE CHICKS AND OTHERS THE REST OF THE COUNTRY KNOWS HOW TRULY WONDERFUL MOST OF THE PEOPLE FROM TEXAS REALLY ARE.  WE DON’T SEE THE BUSH FAMILY AS REPRESENTATIVE OF YOUR GREAT STATE.  IN FACT THEY ARE CONNEDICUT YANKIES!!!!! 

A TRULY GREATFUL YANKIE!!!!!

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By Phil Beard, November 7, 2006 at 9:12 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Would that it were truly brillig, and the bandersnatch did wobble through the wabe snickersnacking all the nightmarish visions of flag-draped coffins, election fraud, and neatly slice off the too real cartoon heads of both party pig trough slop-suckers.  I do truly fear that all seekers of public office mean to join the millionaires club in washington or hold it in trust for royal american thieves present and future.  It is no dream when millions in political contributions purchase billions of federal revenue.  The battle appears to be between those fighting for a place at the trough.

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By Bill, November 7, 2006 at 8:05 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Another refrain from the growing multitude of politicos caught in lies, abject failures, and with their hands in the proverbial cookie jars is:  “It was Bill Clinton’s fault!”

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By Yogi Carpenter, November 7, 2006 at 7:19 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.

He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list but I
have no room for you.

But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going
to do.

I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you.

I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even
let YOU decide who leaves.”

George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in
and surfacing empty handed over and over andover, such was his fate
in Hell.

“No!” George said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I
don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The Devil led him to the next room.

In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“ No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder.

I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all
day!” commented George.

The Devil opened a third door.

In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms
staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose.

Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky,
Doing the best she could.

Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah,
I can handle this.”

The Devil smiled and said,
“Monica, you’re free to go!”

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By Anna Daniher, November 7, 2006 at 6:27 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Nobody says it better than Molly Ivans. Let’s hope she’s right. We’ve all had enough. It’s time to ge to the business of running our country.

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By B. Elwin Sherman, November 7, 2006 at 6:09 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly:

Finding Fidel Castro in the refrigerator?  As funny as finding “Diebold In The Monkey House,” my election day sidebar.

All best,
El

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By John F. Butterfield, November 7, 2006 at 5:04 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Dear Molly,

After Campaign ‘06, the neocono fascists will still be using their rank-racist, sleazy, lying, and full of insinuating scare tactics; and worse. It’s not over by a long shot.

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By KevinHayden, November 7, 2006 at 4:15 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

May the indictments continue, till all the rats are exterminated.

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By Above The Fold, November 6, 2006 at 10:27 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Well Molly, at least the Cheney won’t be able to shoot any of the good citizens of our beloved State of Texas on election day. That’s one thing you left out of your commentary.

And the other thing you omitted was that the Republicans have been behaving, well, aaaah, how shall I put this, okay, well, ......
......SKANKY, LIKE SKUNKS!!!  {~)

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By Marc Foorman, November 6, 2006 at 7:26 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

The trouble, Dear Molly, is that the whole darn thing starts all over again on Nov. 8!

Marc F.

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By Kellina, November 6, 2006 at 7:12 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly Ivins, you are one of the funniest writers alive today. Thank you for your contribution today especially; it made me laugh when I really needed it.

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