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Molly Ivins: Osama Hearts LamontPosted on Aug 16, 2006By Molly Ivins If you listen to Dick Cheney, Bin Laden & Co. were staying up late to hear the Lamont-Lieberman election returns from Darien, Conn. AUSTIN, Texas—The most cunning refinement yet in the administration’s plot to scare the liver, lights and onions out of us with Tales of Terror Plots is the Department of Homeland Security’s brilliant move to declare Indiana the national center of terrorism, with 8,591 potential targets. Many citizens have questioned the Indiana move—some claiming it is a waste of money trying to stop attacks on the Wabash Cannonball. The Statue of Liberty and the Washington Monument might merit a little more attention. This is precisely why it is better to have Michael Chertoff and Karl Rove making these Homeland Security decisions, rather than Osama bin Laden. The defeat of Connecticut Sen. Joe Lieberman in the Democratic primary alerted Veep Dick Cheney to the menace. Ned Lamont, the guy who beat Lieberman, said he was surprised that Cheney claimed his victory would embolden Osama bin, as we call him Texas. “My God, here we have a terrorist threat against hearth and home, and the very first thing that comes out of their mind is how we can turn this to partisan advantage,” complained Lamont. Lieberman warned that Lamont’s call for a phased withdrawal of troops from Iraq would be “taken as a tremendous victory” by the terrorists. Cheney said it would encourage “the Al Qaeda types” who want to “break the will of the American people in terms of our ability to stay in the fight and complete the task.” Wow. How little we realized that the fate of a single senator—especially such a whiny and sanctimonious one—meant everything to Osama bin. Must’ve pulled off his turban and danced around his cave when he got the news. The whole Al Qaeda bunch stayed up just to hear the late returns from Darien, Conn. Give President Bush another five years or so and he’s bound to figure out that Osama bin is not in Iraq—then we’ll be right on his tail. Meanwhile, back in Washington, The Hill newspaper reports that an Enron lobbyist (former aide to Joe Lieberman and money-raiser for him and convicted Republican Connecticut Gov. John Rowland, whom he describes as being “like-minded guys”) is demanding that Democratic senators not campaign against Lieberman. When asking other professional influence-peddlers to contribute, he tells them to come back for Lieberman, saying, “Who knows what Lamont would be like?” For example, Lamont might use his power to make sure the Enron investigation gets serious—a task that Lieberman, ranking Democrat on the Government Affairs Committee, has avoided. No surprise that the lobbyists and insiders want to keep their guy. In other news, we have the answer to a troubling part of the Middle East jigsaw puzzle: how to rebuild Iraq. We ought to drop Halliburton like a skillet full of rattlesnakes and get Hezbollah on the job. Did you ever see a better rebuilding bunch than this Hezbollah? The shooting hadn’t even stopped yet when the “Army of God” was hustling around with plywood and duct tape, putting everything back together. And who do they get to pay for it all but the Arabs. Now that’s what I call rebuilding! To find out more about Molly Ivins and see works by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website, www.creators.com. TAGS:
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By Chris Tandy, August 23, 2006 at 11:11 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Molly,
Report thisHow the people of Louisville, Ky miss you in the weekly Leo Mag. Now that our “main stream” media has learned to be the mouth piece of our beloved fear spreading govt., the voice of reason is much appreciated. Keep a good thought, as well as, the great work.
From an old Viet NamI vet and retired Hippie,
Chris Tandy
Louisville, KY
By BeeJiggity, August 22, 2006 at 6:02 pm #
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Here’s another finger in your eye for the UN. (Useless Nexis)
http://boortz.com/nuze/200608/08222006.html#un
Report thisBy BeeJiggity, August 21, 2006 at 11:30 pm #
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Put forth the issue you prefer that I address.
http://beejiggity.blogspot.com/
Report thisBy Matt Janovic, August 21, 2006 at 7:11 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
No, I really think you’re wrong on all-fronts. As for the personal-comments—Priest, preach somewhere else. I really believe from the assumptions you accept that it is obvious you’re emotionally-retarded, and unworthy of debate. Funny, I’m not seeing anyone here—or anywhere on the Left—supporting Hizbollah.
That’s called begging-the-question, pretty transparent and simple. It is, however, nice to see Israel having to exist under some real scrutiny. As for your belief that international law is unimportant, I think history will prove (along with your comments doing-so) an ass. Clearly, you are the kind of jackass who buys the Bush administration’s line, how “brave”. As for “swaying” me, forget it, but if you want to waste the energy, go ahead. It’s funny how you insiste that international law is unenforcable, while out the other side of your mouth, you insist we have to.
The UN’s impotence is due to people like yourself, and our State Department, people who refuse to follow any rule of law, even international. Without it, we have only the chaos we are experiencing. If there had been a wait on UN-approval for the invasion of Iraq, and a true coalition had gone, the hornet’s nest wouldn’t have been stirred like it has. You’re not really worth arguing-with. But trolls like you are like a broken-record, never addressing the points I’ve posted. You bore us.
http://chickasawpicklesmell.blogspot.com/
Report thisBy Beejiggity, August 21, 2006 at 5:30 pm #
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Mr. Janovic, Re Comment 19253
First off, you ‘ve gotta lose your hyphen-addiction.
Good to know you aren’t with Hellzballah. (I figured you weren’t.) I did not imply that criticizing US foriegn policy was reserved for traitors because I don’t believe that. I will state, though, that Americans who support Hellzbollah are traitors.
As for being a traitor myself, I am not. “Risking a world-conflagaration” is what we do through the appeasement of the radical Islamists. While the Multinationalists may profit from the events of the day, their profit is only a by-product of instability in oil-rich lands.
No sir, I do not recognize “international-law.” I believe it cannot be enforced. So often is it mentioned that Israel is in violation of some UN decision, and nothing is done about it. The UN is impotent, and therefore of limited use. The UN had the responsibility of disarming Hellzbollah in 2000. That really turned out to be a winning plan, huh?
You refer to the “mistakes that lead to WWII.” How about the mistake of the appeasement of tyrrany? Fighting back against tyrants is a rather effective way to prevent their progression. I am one who believes that the current UN can do no more than issue empty threats, and possibly feed hungry children. (When it’s operatives are not raping hungry children.)
As to my eternal-childhood, and ability to expand my thinking. I would ask you to consider that you have no idea how my thinking works. I will ignore this part ‘cause it seems that you just wanted to rant. Fine.
I have never wished I wasn’t an American. This is why it is so difficult to talk with people on the “Left” and why so many of us on the “Right” are wary of your loyalty.
My vision of you is not one that makes me question my country, or the free speech which you enjoy. My vision of you is that of someone who must be addressed and swayed. At worse case my vision of you is that I must present a compelling arguement to oppose your view for sake of attracting others who watch our debate. Then I may win at the ballot.
Report thisAs to flattering you, I’ll do it again.
http://beejiggity.blogspot.com/
By Billy McGaha, August 20, 2006 at 11:34 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I hope you carry more of Molly Ivins commentary.
Report thisMolly has the kind of swagger I like.
Billy
By Matt Janovic, August 20, 2006 at 3:13 pm #
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Mr. Janovic of comment #19003 the allignment of us/them which I have drawn is one which places us (those who wish for US prosperity and success) against Hellzbollah.
Now if you are on their side I guess that is legal, but it does make you sorta traitor-ish.
Who am I to say? (and I like what you did with your site on the other comment. Im stealing it. Its only the sincerest form of flattery.)
My response: I’m not on the side of Hizbolla, and implying that one is by criticizing American foreign-policy is poor-reasoning. As for the traitor-comment: try some self-reflection. I would like to know how risking a world-conflagaration is going to aid in the “prosperity and success” of the United States. I really think your loyalties rest with multinationals, and not with the American people.
I think individuals like-yourself are the traitors. Please attempt flattering someone-else. Clearly, you do not recognize: international-law, the UN-charter, which was devised because of the mistakes that lead to WWII, and the basic-humanity of others. You are the eternal-child, incapable of multi-lateral thinking. You can only fix-on one subject, this is also obvious. What is also obvious is that you are ultra-nationalist. Your type disappoints- me, and really makes me wish I wasn’t an American sometimes. The good-thing is that we’re losing this empire no-matter-what, it’s over.
Report thishttp://chickasawpicklesmell.blogspot.com/
By BeeJiggity, August 20, 2006 at 3:56 am #
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Mr. Janovic of comment #19003 the allignment of us/them which I have drawn is one which places us (those who wish for US prosperity and success) against Hellzbollah.
Now if you are on their side I guess that is legal, but it does make you sorta traitor-ish.
Who am I to say? (and I like what you did with your site on the other comment. I’m stealing it. It’s only the sincerest form of flattery.)
http://beejiggity.blogspot.com/
Report thisBy skyreader7, August 19, 2006 at 6:14 pm #
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When Bush gets arrested, he should be sent to Guantanomo, held without charges for 5 years, and finally charged with racketeering.
In the interim, he should be waterboarded on a daily basis. Then he should be taught the concept of poetic justice.
Report thisBy Eleanor Lister, August 19, 2006 at 4:27 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
draw a dependency picture
eg:
”—->” means depends_on
Hezbollah—> Syria—> Iran ///money and arms
Hamas—> ???—-> Iran ///money and arms
but Iran is not the final link
Iran—> Pakistan ///nuclear expertise & training
Pakistan is a Right Wing Military Dictatorship
Taliban—> Pakistan ///refuge & recruits
Pakistan has the bomb and has an active, fast developing missile program.
and this unstable nightmare is the keystone of the middle east and the US currently backs this brutal undemocratic regime
why is it i think going Islamaphobic is a poor move at the same time that you help create the Muslim Bomb?
but in one sense the US is right: they can get away with anything as long as they control Pakistan, and they went in to help the Indian nuclear capability, presumably as a balance
they probably think they’re a damn cunning bunch of boys and girls, but their collective mind is very short sighted.
they no longer have ideals, they are dourly pragmatic, a quite lamentable state of affairs.
it is therefore time to chase the rascals out, and in their place put stout hearted men and women who look deeply into the future of the planet, to the best evidence available to science, and invest in tomorrow
purrr,
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By yours truly, August 19, 2006 at 4:25 am #
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re; Comment #19044 by Spinoza in which the author nominates Cindy Sheehan for President”
Might this online nomination turn out to be our opening move? This, of course, will depend upon whether or not now is the right time for we the people to change the world. If now really is the right time, then all it’s going to take is for about a hundred million or so of us Netters to second Spinoza’s nomination of Cindy Sheehan for president. What’s so wonderful about this computer age is that we’ll have our answer to the above question in almost no time at all.
Report thisBy Spinoza, August 18, 2006 at 8:59 pm #
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Cindy Sheehan for President.
We need ethical leaders.
Report thisBy Jeremy, August 18, 2006 at 5:08 pm #
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Hi! I also have much respect for the organizational capabilities of Hezbollah. I am secular-leftist and of course suspicious as hell of anyone called “Party of God”; nonetheless, they provide so many crucial public services to the Lebanese people, particularly those affected by this recent war, previous wars, and general economic malaise and even collapse.
But isn’t it true that the Iranians are the ones providing much of the crucial economic aid to Hezbollah? In that case, wouldn’t we say that the funding is from the Farsi, not the Arabs? Or am i misreading?
-Jeremy in Jax’ville
Report thisBy Matt Janovic, August 18, 2006 at 3:32 pm #
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Comment #19000 by BeeJiggity on 8/18 at 11:52 am
“I understand that the comment was meant in jest, but the irony here is that there is so much attention being paid to the efforts of Hellzbollah in rebuilding Lebanon and we have been in the effort of rebuilding Iraq for years. In light of that, does Leftist Pillar Molly Ivins deem our effort as noble?
Of course not. She throws blame at Haliburton, and makes Hellzbollah look good. How do they (the left) even claim to be on our side?”
A big-problem with your reasoning: we know that Billions have been wasted and embezzeled by the contractors in-Iraq. Also, many of them are engaged in purely-military jobs, like the building of permanent-bases (14, last-count) that will likely be used by whomever takes-over after we’re driven-out by the insurgency. You’re right, we are NOT on your side. We’re on the side of the average-American, not the superrich and corporations that rob public-funds.
Report thisBy BeeJiggity, August 18, 2006 at 2:52 pm #
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I understand that the comment was meant in jest, but the irony here is that there is so much attention being paid to the efforts of Hellzbollah in rebuilding Lebanon and we have been in the effort of rebuilding Iraq for years. In light of that, does Leftist Pillar Molly Ivins deem our effort as noble?
Of course not. She throws blame at Haliburton, and makes Hellzbollah look good. How do they (the left) even claim to be on our side?
Report thisBy Shlomo, August 18, 2006 at 12:48 pm #
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assumed terror targets = federal funding
Follow the money. Qui bono.
Report thisBy yours truly, August 18, 2006 at 11:12 am #
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Sure looks like President G.W. Bush is an al Qaeda operative. His Iraq war’s been nothing but one continuous recruitment drive for al Qaeda and now, with this latest American-Israeli invasion of Lebanon, there’s bound to be another membership spike.
What’s the quid pro quo? Presumably there’s no payola, so maybe it has something to do with the hereafter, But since our president’s already earned himself a seat on the rapture flyaway number, perhaps Osama bin Laden’s promised him a ride on that winged white horse that carried Mohammed to heaven. Goes to show how desperate our president is to make it there.
Report this. .
By Judy Beyer, August 18, 2006 at 9:03 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Why has the KCStar stopped publishing your commentary? We need to have your opinions, especially since we have way too many right wing religious conservatives trying to control the media.
JB
Report thisBy Hilding Lindquist, August 18, 2006 at 8:02 am #
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Well, the ruling oligarchy of these United States IS obvioulsy getting worried. Its conventional wisdom ghuru, Tom Friedman, is in a panic.
He writes today in his columon on the OpEd of the NY Times: “Im not sure yet whos the winner in the war between Hezbollah and Israel, but I know whos the big loser: Irans taxpayers. What a bunch of suckers.”
Ah ... Tom ... while we are using our taxpayers money to destroy Iraq ... Iran is paying Hezbollah with our gas money to rebuild Southern Lebanon ... we’re really paying for both! And getting the short end of the stick in each case ... in terms of winning the hearts and minds of the people of the Middle East ... which in the long run is what this conflict is all about, isn’t it? I mean wasn’t the destruction of Southern Lebanon supposed to show “those people” how horrible Hezbollah was (is)?
Now tell me again who the suckers are?
We have Halliburton. Iran has Hezbollah.
Let’s see how the marketplace sorts this one out.
Report thisBy LCT, August 18, 2006 at 6:48 am #
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I believe Lieberman’s wife works for a major huge lobby firm in washington, why is that not mentioned more… or even, why is that not against the law?
Report thisBy DM, August 17, 2006 at 9:23 pm #
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Re: 18837 “The only experience we need is no experience ...”
Well, we’ve tried the “no experience” route:
* A veterinarian for FDA
* Horse show organiser for FEMA
* Even nominated an attorney for the Supreme Court
Maybe we need relevant experience for the job rather than experience of personal political connections!
Report thisBy darby1936, August 17, 2006 at 8:49 pm #
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Yeah Molly, the U.S. should fire Halliburton (or prosecute) and hire Hezbollah. I’ll bet there would be more transparancy. Then we could hire Hezbollah to do Karen Hughes’s job. See the more we call them terrorists people throughout the middle east call them saviors. And don’t ask the Shites in south Lebenon to choose between the U.S. and Iran. In fact don’t ask anyone in the middle east to make that choice other than Isreal. And don’t ask Isreal to make a choice between something that might hurt them a little and the U.S. a whole hell of a lot.
Report thisBy William Atkinson, August 17, 2006 at 8:23 pm #
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For every “Defeatocrat” there is a “Republicant” (a “Republican’t”)-
Report thisby all means consider the dictionary definition of “cant”:
cant (1) n. 1. insincere statements, esp. conventional pretense
of enthusiasm for high ideals; insincere expressions of goodness or
piety. 2. the special language or jargon spoken by thieves… 3. the
words, phrases, etc., peculiar to a particular class, party, profession,
etc. -v.i. 5. to make religious remarks insincerely or hypocritically;
pretend goodness or piety.
By CV, August 17, 2006 at 4:27 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Osama bin Forgotten (He’s just a contractor). As evil as Cheney is, he’s a frontman, too. This gang is threatened by this election, Ned is only the tip of the ‘berg, the whitecap on the wave, if you will. Energized Dems with a mandate, John Conyers, Chair of the House Judiciary! And more than a few Incumbents trying to make up for their spinelessnes(or worse), we’re probably going to see some investigations, wouldn’t you say?
Report thisYeah, I’d say W & Vice are runnin’ skeerd.
By Hilding Lindquist, August 17, 2006 at 3:07 pm #
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I think we make a mistake (which I have also done) in calling the Neocon cabal in power “Nazis”. It isn’t that they don’t act like Nazis, but the term is lacking in American roots ... so it’s harder to identify them when it comes time to weed them out.
They are “Neocon - Rapturist - Zionist”‘s (NRZ’s)—there own peculiar brand of generic evil: fascism.
Report thisBy Howard Mandel, August 17, 2006 at 2:20 pm #
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The only experience we need in Washington is no experience. It’ll be a lot easier to train new politians than to untrain all the crooks in office today.
Report thisBy felicity smith, August 17, 2006 at 1:28 pm #
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Well, Molly, you’ve cleared something up for me. Now I know that the pop-corn factory and the petting zoo designated by DHS as terrorist targets are probably in Indiana! Now if could just find out from DHS WHY they are terrorist targets, I would be most grateful. Thanks
Report thisBy Matt Janovic, August 17, 2006 at 12:32 pm #
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To-be-sure, there are Democratic-incumbents who are also involved in scandals like Enron (if-not Enron-itself), there are many-others. I liken the political-culture in Washington to a form of mutual-blackmail, they all know who the crooks are. All they have to do is look-up when they shave each-morning. Then, you have people like Arlen Specter—Mr. Single-Bullet Theory hisself, and so-much-more. It makes me laugh out-loud when someone in the media refers to him as a “moderate Republican”. In a nation that is basically right-wing, this is meant to be humorous to their backers.
Report thishttp://chickasawpicklesmell.blogspot.com/
By Blair, August 17, 2006 at 12:09 pm #
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nice, one, molly
Report thisBy Matt Janovic, August 17, 2006 at 11:57 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Ms. Ivans has really hit-on the point of why many of the GOP in the White House and Congress want to save Lieberman. A full-investigation of Enron would yield even lower-ratings, and likely some convictions. Also, one-less shill on their side in Congress means other investigations, and possible impeachment-proceedings. They’re fighting for their lives now, which is good. Take a look at photos of W. from 2000-to-now, he has aged a whole-lot. This is also-good.
Report thisBy Chris in NM, August 17, 2006 at 11:12 am #
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Maybe Cheney knows what he’s talking about. Not. Anything Cheney “The Nazis” says is total bull. Cheney needs to go hunting in Iraq. How could anyone vote for such an idiot? Are there some Republicans lurking out there who could explain this to me? I believe you Republicans lack intelligence, just to put it nicely. Help me out here you Neocons.
Report thisBy Alan Lambert, August 17, 2006 at 11:05 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
I’m expecting OBL to be “announced killed” or captured sometime around October 15. Y’see the Repugnants need about three weeks to crow about it and tell you just how darned good they are at combatting Terrorism. And how he never would have been if the Democrats had been in power.
Some days I just hate being a cynic.
Report thisBy John Earl, August 17, 2006 at 10:59 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Kinda makes you wish that Saddam was out of the slammer. At least there’re be electricity and water. And, oh yeah, no insurrection and Iran-leaning government…
Report thisBy robert puglia, August 17, 2006 at 10:48 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
snakes on a blame. it is too true still i exempt myself from the rule which says people deserve the government they get. i didnt do it, i hate the sons of bitches. i live in ohio so my vote vanishes in the black well, so to speak. to compare this bunch, mugwumps of all parties, to the weimar republic is to insult the weimar republic. the big lie is utterly transparent and effective only as it is applied to the big lie down; the wretchedly complacent, junk food-drunk electorate. cheney -i feel dirty typing his name, complicit in perpetuating his infamy as he is exactly what osama bin wants for this country-is the villain from central casting as burgess meredith is not available. he is a seething miscreant, a liar, a despot, a monster of epic proportions simply because the number of people who abet his crimes is epic. the dissemblers have but the power we permit them. lamont is strong because lieberman is weak. drop that chalupa and figure it out; this place is amok. pay no attention to that profiteer behind the curtain.
Report thisBy Dennis Dussault, August 17, 2006 at 8:09 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Why just out of the government? This is a country where we can spirit away someone to hell without a trial and keep them there indefinately.
Where, in Texas and elsewhere we can put someone in jail for 10 yrs for “weed: position.
What should be done to what the international courts consider war criminals? (not to mention a group that want to bankrupt our country so that they can styfle whats left of our social protections-thenselves rather niggardly when compared with Sweeden or even Europe)
Report thisBy c u n d gulag, August 17, 2006 at 7:22 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Molly, Molly, Molly,
Don’t misunderestimate Shrub.
Don’t you know that he’s is looking for OBL as hard as he can? Like OJ, who somehow knows that his wife’s killers are golfers and looks for them on courses across America, Dumbaya has figured out that OBL likes the outdoor’s. That’s why he takes wide-ranging rides on his mountain bike and clearing brush.
Any takers that OJ finds his wifes killers on the back nine before Dumbaya finds OSL in Sherwood Forest?
This November, vote for anything that doesn’t look, smell, sound, taste, or feel lilke a Rethuglican.
If you don’t, I’ll c u n d gulag…
Report thisBy badgervan, August 17, 2006 at 3:40 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Osama will die of old age before the Decider goes after him seriously. They need each other. And don’t forget that Poppy is great friends and business partners with many bin ladens, as well as many other shifty Saudis. We need the bush presence out of our government, along with their allies.
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