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May 25, 2013
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 Andy Borowitz: Bush Awards Gibson Medal of FreedomPosted on Aug 8, 2006In a stunning moment of redemption for the embattled actor Mel Gibson, President George W. Bush today awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom, telling the star, “Thanks for taking the heat off me this week.” Mr. Bush, who has spent the summer floundering amid crises in North Korea, Iran, Iraq and Lebanon, said that Mr. Gibson’s DUI arrest and subsequent anti-Semitic tirade had distracted the media and the American people for a solid week, “And for that I am eternally grateful.” “You have taken people’s attention from the mess I have made of things,” Mr. Bush said. “And that’s something that even talking about phony issues like gay marriage and immigration could not do.” Mr. Bush said that the Gibson scandal had given him the “first real vacation I have had all summer.” Mr. Gibson accepted the coveted medal graciously, telling the president, “The only thing I value more than this medal is my deep and abiding love for every Jew in the world.” Advertisement “Other celebrities must step up and fill the void once this scandal dies down,” Mr. Bush said. “And that means it is time for Paris Hilton to release another sex tape.” Elsewhere, Michael Jackson’s lawyers announced today that they were quitting in order to work for a less difficult client, Saddam Hussein. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Republican Playbook,” to be published in October. To find out more about Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate website, www.creators.com.  Previous item: Human Rights Watch: Israel Has Committed War Crimes Next item: Jabari Asim: The N.Y. Times’ Unwitting Racism New and Improved CommentsIf you have trouble leaving a comment, review this help page. Still having problems? Let us know. If you find yourself moderated, take a moment to review our comment policy. |
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By davr, August 11, 2006 at 11:20 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
jesse the jew says he wants to see Mel in the meetings ASAP!
Report thisBy Atheista, August 11, 2006 at 7:19 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
During Mel’s acceptance speech he once again stated that “I didn’t really mean anything I said while on truth serum..ur..alcohol.”
Report thisBy luna, August 11, 2006 at 1:10 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Can someone spare me PLEASE!
Report thisBy july, August 11, 2006 at 6:50 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Later in the week the Academy honored Barbara Walters for her performace on “The View” as she looked positively TRIUMPHANT as the jewish propagada machine kicked into overdrive because they had fresh meat and once again Mel Gibson fell into the grinder. “Walters managed to convey the eternal innocent victim and appear triumphant at the same time, what a performace!” stated one academy member.
Meanwhile Gibson was admitted to St Mary’s Psych ward and stablized with meds while suffering from post tramautic stress disorder after what the jews had done to him regarding “Passion of the Christ”.
Mel was heard to mutter over and over “I thought we had free speech” but his jewish doctor informed him that “No, free speech is conditioned upon jewish approval and don’t forget it, now take your pill”.
“Don’t let me sleep cried Mel, I keep having nightmares of rabbis on larry king!”
Meanwhile Jon Stewart was visiting a Christian Museum in Nashville and a Civil War museum in Virginia in hopes that he could witness the historic suffering of those who have been persecuted by the jewish entertainment industry and get rehabilitated.
Report thisBy Bukko in Australia, August 10, 2006 at 4:44 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Bush may still be a dry drunk, but Mel is definitely a wet one. Unless he’s drinking some of that new dry tequila.
And if Spiegel is right, then Gibson must apologise to booze all over the world! Booze starts bar fights, but not wars. Trust me on this one, I know…
Report thisBy paul quinlan, August 9, 2006 at 7:43 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
mel gibson needs to make direct amends to all jewish people before he can accept any medal of freedom from george w bush. for two dry drunks they give a horrific name to what freedom is.
Report thisBy Musawwir Spiegel, August 9, 2006 at 9:35 am Link to this comment
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Mel Gibson was misquoted by the police officer. Gibson said that all wars are caused by “booze” but the Jewish police officer, feeling sensitive, as we Jews do, got it wrong.
Report thisBy Quy Tran, August 9, 2006 at 8:02 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Please don’t blame our President about Mr. Gibson incident. He did’t say anything and only “booze” said that. How lucky we are ?
Report thisBy Bukko in Australia, August 9, 2006 at 12:22 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)
Wait! I have it on good authority that the company that mints these medals is Silverstein Bros. in Rockville, Md. Rockville! (Anyone who’s lived around the Washington, D.C. area knows what THAT means…) Somebody’s gotta tell Mel! Otherwise it might start burning his flesh…
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