 |
|
| |
|
|
|
 Andy Borowitz—Bush Demands That Iran Halt Production of Long LettersPosted on May 12, 2006Days after receiving an 18-page letter from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President George W. Bush called the lengthy missive “an act of war” and demanded that Iran halt its production of long letters at once. At the White House, aides said that writing a letter of such length to President Bush, who is known for his extreme distaste for reading, was the most provocative act Mr. Ahmadinejad could have possibly committed. “Everyone knows that the last book the president read was ‘My Pet Goat,’” one aide said. “Expecting him to read an 18-page letter is really asking for it, and that Iranian dude must have known that.” According to those close to Mr. Bush, the president was infuriated upon receipt of the 18-page letter and asked aides if it was some kind of joke. The president then demanded that the letter be boiled down to a one- or two-page format, or possibly adapted to a DVD version, just as he had ordered for news reports on Hurricane Katrina. In Tehran, President Ahmadinejad said he was “taken aback” by Mr. BushÂ’s refusal to read an 18-page letter, but said that all his future communications to the U.S. president would be in short, easy-to-read instant-messaging format. In his first IM to President Bush, released to the press today, President Ahmadinejad writes, “Am building nukes. R U angry? LOL.” Elsewhere, Air Force Gen. Michael V. Hayden vowed today that as director of the CIA he would push the agency to find new and better sources of false intelligence. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers.” To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. TAGS:
|
|
The Age of Paine
Email
Print
Share
BlinkList
del.icio.us
Digg
Facebook
Fark
Furl
Google
LinkedIn
Mixx
MySpace
NewsVine
NewsTrust
Propeller
Reddit
SphereIt
StumbleUpon
Technorati
TwitThis
YahooMyWeb
YahooBuzz
Jump to Comments
By Mace Price, May 17, 2006 at 8:19 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Now Herb don’t go gettin’ the DT’s. You could call Borowitz a lot of things, but stupid’s sure hell not one of ‘em.
Report thisBy William Day, May 17, 2006 at 5:59 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Sounds about right for someone who probably still hasn’t sobered up and calls the constitution “just a piece of paper.” The way he has been treating it, he probably should have said “just a piece of toilet paper.”
Report thisBy herbert kaiser, May 17, 2006 at 3:01 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Stupid are those who call stupid!!!!!!
Report thisBy july, May 17, 2006 at 9:22 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
HEY WAIT A MINUTE! We’ve been scamed! Doesn’t the liberal internet tell us everyday that CHRISTIANS are behind the White House policies because bush claims to be Christian!
Now we find out he’s too dumb to lead a Girl Scout troop!
SO WHO IS BEHIND THE ANTICS OF THE BUSH WHITE HOUSE!
More importantly - shouldn’t we be wondering why liberals are constantly attacking Christians if they knew all along Bush is a stooge and a moron!
So tell us liberals! Who is actually behind our holocaust in the middle east?
Report thisBy Eugene Weixel, May 16, 2006 at 6:21 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Thanks to Andy Borowitz for this gem. It will certaily be read by millions of people all over the world.
Report thisBy Civilization, May 15, 2006 at 4:27 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I wish white house reporter would ask Snowjob if
Report thisthe president actually read the whole letter.
By jkoch, May 15, 2006 at 11:57 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
His Excellency, W (BPUH), could have asked the Weekly Standard / AEI cheering squads to decipher the letter and draft a plausible reply. It need not propose any direct talks, since Ahmadinejad’s letter did not ask for any.
W’s trouble would be a lack of answers for many of the Iranian’s questions. W has no appetite to defend Western Liberalism, has bigger priorities than the capture of 9/11 authors, and has no clue how to sell US policies to the Middle East.
Report thisBy T.Stanley, May 14, 2006 at 2:15 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Here’s an actual rational and beautiful response to
Bush. What inanity to not answer the letter.
Well, he might have to admit he is wrong!!!!
Report thishttp://www.rense.com/general71/unas.htm
By Jim Fox, May 13, 2006 at 10:58 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Why don’t you plaster the word SATIRE at the beginning of this column like they do on MSNBC.
Report thisBy Colin Unter, May 13, 2006 at 8:28 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
GWB is an illiterate cretin who is going to be laughed out of office and impeached as a common criminal.
I look forward to seeing him, Cheyne and Bumsfeld sweating in a cell, on death row.
Report thisBy American Goy, May 13, 2006 at 7:05 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Yeah, we remember 911 ..
http://whatreallyhappened.com/fiveisraelis.html
Report thisBy Colonel, May 13, 2006 at 5:20 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Priceless satire!
Report thisBy Jeff, May 13, 2006 at 4:32 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I agree 100% with True Zionist. For an American goy to die or suffer major injuries fighting for Greater Israel is the most noble thing he could do.
Report thisBy Druthers, May 13, 2006 at 1:22 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
While facing an 18 page challenge I heard the WH with its usual fondness for secrecy refused to reveal the print size in the letter.
Report thisBy True Zionist, May 13, 2006 at 12:40 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Dear Americans,
Stop insulting your President. He is a good President. We must kill the Muslims and protect Israel. We are your brothers…remember 911. They have killed your love ones. Israel’s enemy is your enemy… remember that. We are the chosen people and God says so. So you Americans should be glad to die for Israel. That is the best sacrifice of a true American Christian be proud of your dead… Dying for Israel is not a death in vain.
Report thisBy Bill Orr (bilbo), May 13, 2006 at 12:38 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Had just logged off when i read your column. Had to reboot and play “give me back my bullets.” (Words.)
Report thisLaughter, ROFLOL, “better sources of false intelligence.” It deserves to be in the Smithsonian somewhere. lol
By Gary Wenkle Smith, May 13, 2006 at 11:30 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
I think a book of photos and drawings would have been much more palatable by the president.
Report thisBy Shag from Brookline, May 13, 2006 at 6:11 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
So how long is the US Constitution in comparison to this 18 page letter?
Report thisBy alex, May 12, 2006 at 11:14 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
No Nukes Yet. Just Uranium. Get It Straight.
Report this