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 Andy Borowitz: Best Medicine for Flu Is a Dose of BlamePosted on May 5, 2006In an effort to show the American people that it is prepared for any potential outbreak of bird flu, the White House today unveiled a detailed strategy showing whom it would blame in the event of such a national disaster. The 432-page document, released to reporters during a noontime White House briefing, was the product of months of preparation, White House spokesman Tony Snow said, and demonstrated the White House’s determination to “hit the ground running” in the blame game. “We learned the lessons of Hurricane Katrina,” Mr. Snow said. “Disaster hit, and we were unprepared to blame others for it—but not this time.” According to the plans drawn up by the White House, in the event of a bird flu pandemic, state and local governments would be blamed first. “Within hours of the first sign of an outbreak, we will be rushing to Fox News to get the word out that state and local governments have dropped the ball,” Mr. Snow said. “Our reaction time is going to be superb.” Once state and local governments have been successfully blamed, Mr. Snow said, the White House will ensure that others, such as congressional Democrats and illegal immigrants, are blamed as well. Finally, Mr. Snow said, a detailed plan is in place to blame the birds themselves: “If those birds think they’re going to get away with this, they’re wrong—we are prepared.” Elsewhere, one day after Mexican President Vicente Fox backed away from signing a drug decriminalization bill, supermodel Kate Moss abruptly canceled a trip to Mexico.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers.” To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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By L. Adajian, May 13, 2006 at 4:14 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
This could all be avoided by having the national guard shoot the birds as they cross over our borders.
Report thisBy SundownLF, May 10, 2006 at 11:07 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
First of all, the Blame Game is what this administration is good at—one of the few things this administration is good at!
But why should we be surprised? They have been dismantling social safety nets since the first day they came into office...and if they trashed FEMA with no compunction, how far behind can health services be?
Yep, the Republican credo: “EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF” (and don’t even bother to mention the women).
Sheesh!
Report thisBy Colonel, May 9, 2006 at 7:40 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
I fear some didn’t pick up on your humor.
On a serious note, I think the whole bird flu scare has gotten out of control. All epidemics or pandemics are always self-limiting and bird flu, if it mutates into human-to-human transmission, will be no different. Serious? Yes. But the end of the world if we don’t prioritize it above all other disease threats? No. Certainly not at this stage when its transmission is only when birds and humans have been in very close proximity.
Report thisBy kclaf, May 6, 2006 at 5:35 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
“I think saving peoples lives is more important”
Now that is something someone should be telling to the Prez! We already know that.
Report thisBy BMS, May 5, 2006 at 3:37 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Blame?
Report thisNo, it’s a Plan that we lacked before detailing what each agencies responsibility is, in case there is confusion. Planning is everything and always plan to revise the plan. I think saving peoples lives is more important than jabbing it to the Prez.
That’s my 2 cents worth!!