![]() ![]() |
|
| |
|
Andy Borowitz: U.S. to Send One Troop to IranPosted on Apr 14, 2006In an effort to punish the government of Iran for its nuclear ambitions, the Pentagon announced today that it was preparing to send one troop to Iran. The troop, Private John R. Klugian, who is currently stationed at Fort Dix, could be deployed to Iran as early as next month, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld told reporters at the Pentagon. For Mr. Rumsfeld, who has been criticized for not sending sufficient troops to Iraq, the decision to send only one troop to Iran seemed guaranteed to create even more controversy. But the defense secretary used the better part of his Pentagon press briefing to explain that sending one troop, in this case Private Klugian, was more than enough to quell Iran’s nuclear threat. “In the Army’s recruitment ads, they talk about an ‘Army of One,’” Mr. Rumsfeld said. “In the case of Iran, we are taking that literally.” With U.S. troop levels stretched thin in Iraq and Afghanistan, sending Pvt. Klujian to deal with Iran on his own may have been a necessity, military analysts believe. But Secretary Rumsfeld denied that by sending only one troop to Iran he was fighting the war there “on the cheap.” “I am fully prepared to send one additional troop to help with the reconstruction,” he said. Mr. Rumsfeld said that he fully expected his latest military strategy to come under fire from his detractors, but he had stern words of warning for those who would criticize it: “I would ask them to support our troop.” Elsewhere, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie begged paparazzi to stop stalking them with ultrasound equipment. Previous item: You Mean Jesus Didn't Have a Bodily Resurrection? Next item: Gore Vidal: America and Empire Elsewhere: . CommentsAre you a Truthdig member yet? Login now, or register with Truthdig. Add Your Comment
|
A Progressive Journal of News and Opinion. Editor, Robert Scheer. Publisher, Zuade Kaufman.
Copyright © 2008 Truthdig, L.L.C. All rights reserved. |
By Don Albert, May 1, 2006 at 6:22 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I can’t understand why everybody seems so hyped up over Iran having Nukes. We all know by now that bombs don’t kill people, people kill people.
Report thisBy Tom, April 21, 2006 at 8:00 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
I like obie’s idea of a nuclear suicide bomber - I nominate Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Perle.
Report thisBy Kurt, April 20, 2006 at 1:19 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
You dummies need to quit watching so much goddamn TV and look up “satire” in the dictionary. Jesus, no wonder this country is going to hell in a handbasket with the dummies we have in the U.S.
Report thisBy Druthers, April 20, 2006 at 6:34 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
I loved the spelling and play on words of troop and trooper. Webster away!
Report thisBy John m Sandoval, April 19, 2006 at 6:42 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
We very well know that George W Bush evaded going to war during Viet Nam by disappearing from his national guard unit, in Texas(using his father’s influence.)
Report thisWe know that Rumsfeld and Bush are holding each other up by the seat of their pants.
We know that George Bush believes in making war - what he doesn’t believe in is going to War himself. Niether does (incapable) Rumsfeld, that’s why he is sending one solitary trooper to lay the groundwork for negotiations with Iran. George Bush is the worst president we have ever had - in the history of the United States of America.
He surrounds himself with people who promote his demented whims.
john m sandoval
By obie, April 19, 2006 at 10:18 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
It’s a terrifying thought that maybe this is Rumsfields way to get in close with a form of our own ‘nuclear suicide bomber’. I wouldn’t put it past him........
Report thisBy Shannon Jacobs, April 19, 2006 at 5:00 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
It seems to be two troops, or one trooper with two names. Okay, so maybe a humorist shouldn’t be held to the same spelling standards?
Report thisBy Mark, April 18, 2006 at 8:39 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Hey Frank just because you know some obscure and insignificant grammatical fact does not give you the grounds to call out Borowitz. Borowitz is your daddy, and so am I.
Report thisBy sawbux, April 18, 2006 at 10:31 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
Report thistroop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop troop
By Quy Tran, April 16, 2006 at 6:03 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Why don’t we send Rumsfelf himself to Iran so we can save Private Klugian ?
Report thisBy rachelle, April 16, 2006 at 2:33 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Funny you should say that, Frank, that was the first thought that came to mind. Just how many soldiers would be going? A group of soldiers or...just one?
The topic is tongue-in-cheek anyway.
Report thisBy Lynn, April 15, 2006 at 2:55 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
No army can run on just a private, there need at least to be one accompanying general.
Could we have this general’s name please so that we can look out for his call to oust Rumsfeld once that said general has retired.
Report thisBy Frank, April 15, 2006 at 11:54 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Andy, a ‘troop’ is a group of soldiers in a unit, not an individual. A ‘trooper’ is an individual in a troop, though ‘trooper’ is more often used to describe police officers rather than military personnel, with the exception of ‘paratroopers’.
A single soldier is called....a soldier.
You might want to Webster these military words before you use them
Report thisBy Colonel, April 15, 2006 at 9:21 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
If Rummy holds true to form, the one troop he sends to Iran will be backed up with intelligence from the neocon Office of Special Plans. And maybe the one troop will even be supplied with body armor.
Report this