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Reports

In Shake-up, Bush Fires Pastry Chef

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Posted on Mar 31, 2006

By Andy Borowitz

Attempting to answer the calls within his own party to shake up his beleaguered administration, President George W. Bush today ousted the White House pastry chef and pronounced the shake-up complete.

“There have been many Republicans in Congress who have been calling upon me to do something drastic,” Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House. “I am convinced that by firing the pastry chef, we have fixed the problems.”

Mr. Bush, while declining to “play the blame game,” indicated that after much consideration he had concluded that the White House pastry chef was at the root of most of the problems of his administration.

“Let’s face it, during the run-up to the war in Iraq, there was all of that talk about weapons of mass destruction, and the pastry chef didn’t say anything about it,” Mr. Bush said. “If he knew that the intelligence was faulty, he should have spoken up.”

The president added that the pastry chef was “slow to act” in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina: “Basically, he was just in the kitchen baking the whole time.”

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While Mr. Bush said that firing the White House pastry chef would probably solve all of the problems plaguing his administration of late, he was not afraid to take future action if warranted.

“I am fully prepared to fire the person who waters the plants around here,” Mr. Bush said.

Elsewhere, adolescents who do not get enough sleep and then drive while drowsy pose a safety hazard, according to a study published today in Duh magazine.

www.creators.com


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By Bernard, April 5, 2006 at 10:07 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

I heard that the chef is now making 5 times his old salary at the Pastry Lobby.

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By fla, April 4, 2006 at 6:04 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

those are some sweet remarks

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By democritus, April 3, 2006 at 11:01 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

This administration is much less interested in sharing the pie or eating the cake than in making sure the big contributors get a lot of the dough (although $40 million for an inaugural party does indicate some serious Bush-camp interest in cake-eating) ...

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By AmeriPundit, April 2, 2006 at 11:26 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Mr. Borowitz, your report is incomplete.

The pastry chef was fired, but only after receiving Presidential Medal of Freedom and several “no-bid” contracts to provide pastries to the troops in order to show our support of them (delivery of same contingent upon pastry chef’s wishes, mood, desires,  and/or, more likely than not: greed).

Said contract to be on a “cost (or no cost and no delivery) plus (some exhorbitant amount)” basis paid for by “The American People”.

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By Druthers, April 2, 2006 at 2:33 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

It seems they are now recruiting a pastry chef that who would allow our “Great Leader” to have his cake and eat it too.

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