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Oscars Postmortem

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Posted on Mar 6, 2006

By Sheerly Avni

For all its talk of courage, controversy and speaking truth to power, Hollywood chose to play the Academy Awards pretty safe: with elegant but unmemorable clothes, a very circumspect Jon Stewart as MC, and enough aw-shucks modesty in the speeches to make you wish James Cameron would streak the Kodak Theatre, screaming, “I’m king of the world!”

Here are my awards for the 78th Oscars ceremony. (Feel free to submit your own nominations in the comments area.)

Best red carpet misidentification:
Joan Rivers mistaking Lee Majors (“The Six Million Dollar Man”) for Larry McMurtry.
Most offensive comment made by a TV host on the red carpet:
Joan Rivers: “You’re going to be coming home with a little gold person who is not Jackie Chan.”

Runner-up:
Joan Rivers: “I thought hip-hop was just a fad!” (speaking to rapper-actor Ludacris, who, at age 28, is only two years older than rap’s first radio hit, “Rapper’s Delight”).

Worst new look:
Jessica Alba, anorexic.

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Best comedic sidestepping of an inflammatory political moment while still making jokes about the Holocaust:
” ‘Schindler’s List’ and ‘Munich’... I think I speak for all Jews when I say I can’t wait to see what happens to us next—Trilogy!”—Jon Stewart
Best reminder that even at the Oscars, Jon Stewart has teeth:
” ‘Capote’ and ‘Good Night, and Good Luck’ [are] both films about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.”
Most startling omission in a montage of biopics that featured Malcolm X, Patton, Nixon, Marie Curie, Ray Charles, Jim Morrison and more than a dozen others:
Jesus
Best example of phony Oscar humility: 
Best supporting actress winner Rachel Weisz’s shoutout to “people who are willing to risk their own lives to fight injustice. They are greater men and women than I.”
Why, yes.
Best acknowledgment (spoken):
“I’d like to thank the Academy for seating me next to George Clooney at the nominees luncheon.” —Corinne Marrinan, co-winner of the short subject documentary Oscar for “A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin.”

Best acknowledgment (unspoken):
“I’d like to thank the Academy for seating me next to Keira Knightley.”—Jack Nicholson
Most audible collective sigh of relief about an acceptance speech not made:
The audience, when “Paradise Now”—the movie about Palestinian suicide bombers—did not win Best Foreign Picture.
Best reassurance that although it is hard out there for a pimp, it is not, in the end, that hard out there for a ho’:
Three Oscar wins for “Memoirs of a Geisha,” the film about a Japanese prostitute who finds riches and true love on the job.

Best proof that for all its self-congratulatory awareness of “the issues,”  Hollywood is essentially out of touch with the concerns of the country:
There was not a single reference to the fact that the nation is at war, nor of the 133,000 troops stationed in Iraq, nor the 2,300 U.S. soldiers who have died there.


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By Kid, July 29, 2007 at 8:22 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I thought Rachel Weisz’s speech that night at the Oscars was the most touching of the bunch. There was nothing phony about it.

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By Amber, March 16, 2006 at 6:58 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I agree, Rachel Weisz was just trying to compliment the aid workers in Africa - The Constant Gardener was a well done film with some pretty candid footage of how tough things are over there, and the dangers involved in trying to make a difference. I mean, sure she’s not quitting her big-paying actress job to go hand out meds in a village, but through her job, she got the message out there.

I have to say though, I fell asleep halfway through the Oscars.

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By Gregg B, March 8, 2006 at 9:01 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Along with no mention of the war, there was a notable absence of the AIDS ribbon. I only saw one in contrast to the Tonys where they were highly visible.

Is Hollywood in denial of the AIDs pandemic again?  Perhaps that is why all the gay nominated films were set in the pre-AIDS Bareback era.

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By blackbower@yahoo.com, March 7, 2006 at 7:02 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

i did watch. was it any good?

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By R. A. Earl, March 6, 2006 at 6:51 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Worst Song Ever

“It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” from Hustle & Flow, performed by Three 6 Mafia.

I tried, folks. I honestly tried to listen carefully and to find something that would qualify this “music” to join the ranks of past Oscar winners.

I found nothing. Not in the music (what music?). Not in the lyrics (didn’t understand a word except for the one line the woman repeated ad nauseum). Not in the performance (I could do as well and look better doing it in my greasy coveralls). NOTHING.

But then, I was brought up in an era whose singers (Sinatra, Fitzgerald, Vaughan, Damone, Lee… etc., etc.) could SING and who sang songs WORTH SINGING (by Gershwin, Rogers & Hammerstein, Mercer… hell, even Willie Nelson, etc., etc.).

I know each generation has it’s own “gap” but this one makes the Grand Canyon look like a hairline crack! I think it’s embarrassing… but then, what do I know?

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By Marilyn, March 6, 2006 at 4:42 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

did no one else hear Joan Rivers’ faux pas telling Don Knotts to eat his heart out that she was wearing granny panties?  A week after he passed away??

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By Gerry Osmer, March 6, 2006 at 4:16 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Control room tyranny reared its ugly head when Diana Ossana said “Annie Proulx is here tonight; she’s sitting right there.” and the camera never showed us Annie. Diana should have done what Gavin Hood did when he introduced the stars of Tsotsi and then ordered the cameras to turn to them. He was assertive but classy.

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By refusedig, March 6, 2006 at 2:45 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I didn’t watch it, was it any good?

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By Chloe, March 6, 2006 at 1:40 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Best montage:
The gay cowboy clips - hilarious! How much do we love John Stewart?

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By felicity smith, March 6, 2006 at 1:36 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I’ve heard a zillion comments about the outfits the stars wore - boring, lackluster, 1950’s, not glamorous.  I thought, given the war and all the rest of the tragedies America is experiencing, the understated gowns were in excellent taste.  Stewart was great for many reasons, especially because he didn’t seem to need to upstage the stars. I interpreted the audience “sigh” at “Paradise Now” was because it didn’t get pulled from the list of nominees in reaction to 30,000 signatures asking that it be pulled.

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By steven Kotler, March 6, 2006 at 10:11 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

You know, it is definitely true that Hollywood was pretty self-congratulatory, and you’re right, no one mentioned the soldiers in Iraq. Still, it’s about time that the Academy realized that Hollywood has always been a defacto reactive conscience for this country. Sure, they might have missed out on the soldier’s tip, but it was good to see Hollywood has finally come to terms with the fact that yup, it’s a liberal otwn and they have fianlly decided that’s something to be proud of….

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By John Earl, March 6, 2006 at 9:34 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Hey, don’t dis Rachael Weisz! I thought what she said wasn’t so phony. She was in a good movie with a socially conscious message.

I did enjoy Jon Stewart. I wouldn’t have watched otherwise.

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By Tijer, March 6, 2006 at 1:55 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Remember when Jon asked the audience if they believed that democracy would prevail in the Academy if the large (pointing) Oscar statue was pulled down?

- There you had your reference.

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