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Reports

Bush Considering Exit Strategy for War on Obesity

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Posted on Mar 4, 2006

By Andy Borowitz

With the war on obesity grinding on with no end in sight, President George W. Bush is reportedly considering an exit strategy that would see the United States withdrawing from the fat fight before the 2006 midterm elections, aides confirmed today.

According to the strategy being mulled, President Bush would simply declare victory over obesity and announce a plan to withdraw most low-carb products from supermarket shelves by the end of 2006.

The plan has been hailed by Republican lawmakers who are worried that the war on obesity has turned into a quagmire that could spoil their chances for victory in November.

When the president first announced the war on obesity, he had widespread support among American voters, many of whom believed that victory over America’s bulging waistlines would be swift, easy and painless.

But with the steady drumbeat of bad news from the war on obesity, including recent data showing that over one third of Americans are obese, the White House has apparently decided that it has become time to cut and run.

“You can expect to the White House to point out certain success stories like Kirstie Alley and then proclaim victory,” says Davis Logsdon, an expert in the politics of obesity at the University of Minnesota.

But Logsdon has one caveat for the White House’s proposed exit strategy: “When someone in the administration finally does announce victory in the war on obesity, it probably shouldn’t be Cheney.”

Elsewhere, to enable the 78th Academy Awards ceremonies to conclude in a timely fashion, this Sunday’s Oscar telecast will begin on Saturday morning.

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By Eddie, December 21, 2006 at 12:26 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Sheel!!

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By Deborah, March 10, 2006 at 10:09 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

He should announce it from a blimp….

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By Steven J Lewis, March 7, 2006 at 6:37 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

I guess the War in Iraq…..oops War on Terror is more deserving than the war on obesity.Another example that Health (and Health Care) is not a priority because there is no oil and money to gain in order to line their pockets…... oops again, I forgot about the crisco!

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By AmeriPundit, March 4, 2006 at 6:27 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Hmmm…

It seems that this post relates to sex.

The use of the following clearly shows a proclivity towards unprotected “stuff” going on with the only option being a post- sex vasectomy to defeat a paternity suit:

1) grinding;
2) end in sight;
3) withdrawing; and
4) time to cut and run.

Actually, the post was spot- on!

I have now been energized to declare a “war on night”.  After all, most bad things happen at night.

The proof of that is in… movies and… movies… and… videos… and, well “night” is “evil”.

Not all “night” is evil.  Some “Knights” are good.  It’s just that the “nightofascists” have to be defeated because they want to take away our way of life namely, “Daytime”.

Night lurks.  Daytime is “productive”.  Night can run, but it can’t hide.  We have flashlights.  Night is wanted- dead or alive- it doesn’t really matter.

P. S. I love your humor/satire (same thing).  Keep it up!

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By felicity smith, March 4, 2006 at 8:49 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

What’s going to happen to the Fat Czar?  (Who is the Fat Czar?)  Probably go the way of the Drug Czar.  Is Georgie going to announce victory from a submarine or another aircraft carrier? Can we assume, given Georgie’s record, that the war on obesity was lost?  You left out a lot of very important details in your article.

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By J. Thomas Duffy, March 4, 2006 at 6:29 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

There’s a differct view on a Bush Exit Strategy on The Garlic

The New Strategy For Winning Olympic Medals
Bush Says Would Be Mistake To Pull Out Olympic Team
“Needs Time To Grow; Better To Win Medals Over There, Then Win Them Here”;
http://puregarlic.blogspot.com/2006/02/new-strategy-fo r-winning-olympic.html

Peace
JTD

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