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 Armed Cheney to Guard PortsPosted on Feb 24, 2006Attempting to defuse the controversy over the decision to place the operation of several key American ports in the hands of a company based in Dubai, Vice President Dick Cheney said today that he would personally patrol those ports with a 28-gauge shotgun. Calling himself “armed and dangerous,” the vice president used a White House press briefing to put potential evildoers at the nation’s ports on notice. “If anyone tries any funny business at one of our nation’s ports, they’re going to have to answer to this!” he declared, brandishing his shotgun for the benefit of reporters. Moments after Mr. Cheney pulled out the firearm, however, the room cleared as reporters ran for their lives. “I have never been more terrified in my life than when Dick Cheney whipped out that gun,” said NBC White House correspondent David Gregory. “I was sure I was a goner.” In his remarks to the press, the vice president said that he would be “vigilant and on alert” for any suspicious activities at the nation’s ports: “I’ll have one beer at lunch, but that’s it.” While Mr. Cheney’s offer to patrol the nation’s ports seemed designed to silence critics of the controversial port deal, Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del.) said he was “not satisfied” that a shotgun-wielding vice president could provide adequate security. “Knowing Dick Cheney, if he takes aim at a terrorist, he’ll wind up hitting a bird,” Sen. Biden said. Elsewhere, the White House said today that it would issue its own report on the response to Hurricane Katrina, written by the author James Frey.
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers.”
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Mistletoe Fun With Stephen Colbert and Martha Stewart
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Jump to Comments
By AmeriPundit, March 1, 2006 at 10:08 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Obvious, but great, humor.
Please keep writing in that vein. The dirty little secret everybody, but those that think- and I stress “think"- they are in “the camp”, shares is that we are all looking for material that gives us nervous giggles and sometimes guffaws to quell our fears as to the outcome of this nightmare.
Thanks for taking the time to write a nice short piece we can relate to our fellow patriots.
All the best.
Report thisBy Jane, March 1, 2006 at 4:08 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Aw, come on, Scott - Andy is very funny and with the climate of all of what is going on in this country, a bit of humor must be inserted to make the whole thing palatable. When most of us have such a full plate of the horrors of the faux pas of this administration, we have to pull back from the table and clear our stomachs for a while. I love the humor inserted in small doses to ease the digestion of the overwhelming feed of propaganda shoveled through the MSM. Leave Andy on.
Report thisBy jds, February 27, 2006 at 2:22 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
very, very funny. still laughing.
Report thisBy Scott, February 25, 2006 at 5:51 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
No offense to Andy, but how about leaving funny stuff along these lines to The Onion, which really does it well? Truthdig pulls its audience for quality, deep-thinking editorial… not half-hearted attempts at comedy.
Report thisBy Jay, February 25, 2006 at 3:59 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Someone should tell Cheney that national security threats are a bit different from captive quail. Even when given blatant terrorist “sign” ("Bin Landen determined to attack whithin U.S.?") this administration shoots its own people trying to stem the disasters.
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