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Molly Ivins: GOP Ineptitude and Some Advice for Dems

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Posted on Oct 30, 2006

By Molly Ivins

“There’s no doubt in my mind, with your help, Dave Lamberti will be the next United States congressman.”—President Bush last week, endorsing Jeff Lamberti.

AUSTIN, Texas—Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) has announced his candidacy for the president of the United States. Until now, he’s barely been noticed as a guy who took money from Brent Wilkes and Mitchell Wade, whose bribes to Randy “Duke” Cunningham led to Cunningham’s resignation from Congress and his plea of guilty to bribery charges. Hunter is widely expected to be the next congressman indicted in this scandal.

As for the presidential candidacy of the chair of the House Armed Services Committee, we have been thinking of scarcely little else around here. It’s about time we had some good news.

There’s so much evidence stacking up in the “Can’t These People Do Anything Right?” file, you’d suspect their secret strategy is to reward incompetence. It’s like the hiring of Michael “Brownie” Brown at FEMA or John Bolton at the United Nations—it’s just hard to imagine why.

So now the latest report from the special inspector general for Iraq reconstruction says we have lost track of hundreds of thousands of guns we shipped to Iraq, many of which probably are now being used to kill our soldiers. For this administration, “Who’s in charge of getting the plastic forks for the potato salad at the company picnic?” has deadly consequences.

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A depressing story like this, and the week has barely even begun. I hate to imagine what will be on our plates by Friday.

So with the Bushies continuing their tailspin, it might be time to review the rules in case WE WIN in the upcoming midterm elections:

I realize for many Democrats it has been so long since we won, we have completely forgotten the etiquette. And I realize I’m taking a chance here—there’s nothing more dangerous than overconfidence—but you have to practice for victory as well as defeat.

First rule: No gloating. Actually, there is gloating aloud, but only in the exclusive presence of other Democrats. Gloating in the face of Republicans is rude and unsportsmanlike, and just gives them one more thing to complain about. Also, remember there is a possibility there may be some Republicans on the civil service staff—I have seen this when the R’s win—and it is really not good manners to watch them wailing around with their eyes brimming with tears.

Second, I’m sure we will all be full of grand theories if Republicans lose and we win. Dems will be ready to be helpful, offer advice and sort of try to perk the R’s up. I do not recommend this. It somehow never feels to me when R’s are dumping truckloads of good advice on the D’s that they are, actually, sincere about it.

Third, celebratory jigs, reels and renditions of “Danny Boy” are best limited to Irish bars.

Fourth, try to refrain from insulting Republicans en masse. A good start would be, “You know, it was mostly the ones under indictment that hurt you.”

To find out more about Molly Ivins and see works by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.


Elsewhere: .

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By Bob Snow, November 3, 2006 at 3:18 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

MollY!

Just read something you called A Campaign of Sleaze”.  You forgot to mention the blowjob Clinton got and the sleaze coming out of Vegas (something about a “transparent” land deal that Dingy Haryy made 1 1/2 million dollars on) and something about hidden money in a freezer owned by that democrat rep in Louisiana, but otherwise you article was full of s***!

VOTE BUSH SUPPORTERS

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By Sue, November 2, 2006 at 10:44 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!
And BEWARE of any last minute surprise bomb shells sure to come from the right wingers trying to sway your vote in their direction!
Let’s just stick with the issues and whats important in helping with guiding this so important election in the “left” direction.

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By Rhonda, November 1, 2006 at 2:58 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Dan Weintraub makes a good point.

The Dems might be wise to deliberately lose this election so that the Republicans can remain in office to deal with and take the unadulterated blame for the consequences of their dumbass dictatorship.  Those consequences are now beginning to unfurl.  Why on earth would Dems want to wade in to share the blame?  Let the country suffer the consequences of Republican leadership for another two years, then get the whole banana in 2008.

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By NETTIE, November 1, 2006 at 2:44 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

VOTE. VOTE.  VOTE.  JUST VOTE AND PREFERABLY ON A PAPER BALLOT VIA ABSENTEE THAT YOU WILL COPY FIRST BEFORE SENDING IT OUT WITH (two), 2 POSTAGE STAMPS TO BE SAFE. PAPER STILL GOES INTO A CENTRAL TABULATION SYSTEM WHICH CAN STILL BE MOLESTED.  LET’S GET THE HOUSE BACK TO THE DEMS, AT LEAST, AND GET SUBPOENA POWER.  MONITOR THE EXIT POLLS.  FIND OUT MORE ON BLACKBOXVOTING.ORG.  OF COURSE, LOONS, LIKE HUNTER WILL JUMP IN.  THIS ANTI-SOCIAL CABAL WE HAVE INSTALLED NOW HAVE ACHIEVED WHATEVER THEY WANTED.  IT’S TIME TO STAND UP, FOLKS, AND BE SURE YOU ARE COUNTED.  AND, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, BACK DOWN FROM CORRECTING “PSYCHO” FACTS WHEN THEY ARE THROWN IN YOUR FACE….EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE….NICELY, OF COURSE.

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By chameleon41, November 1, 2006 at 1:43 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Be afraid, be very afraid!!  But vote anyway.  It’s the ONLY chance we have.

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By Della McCulloch, November 1, 2006 at 12:52 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Three and a half TRILLION added to National Debt in 5+ yrs
is Economic Progress. Is being bragged about by conservatives .That can happen when you cut taxes and keep on spending like a drunken sailor (J. McCain).

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By Tom, November 1, 2006 at 11:24 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Election fraud: If the real result is more than let’s say 5 or 7% in advance for the Dems, it seems to me more difficult to change the result, because the exit polls are very trustworthy.

Of course, the Mexican way (mass demonstrations) must be gone afterwards to gain publicity for the irregular election.

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By Sue, November 1, 2006 at 10:46 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

The democrats need to prove that they to have an AGENDA other than just using the Iraq war as the sole purpose of taking control of congress. Smear campaign tactics are ok, but they need to talk just as passionately on other important issues convincing people that they can be true leaders and not just desperate sounding whinning wannabees without a plan as the republicans accuse them of.

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By richard, November 1, 2006 at 6:36 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

mandatory voting for evryone here in belgium and no politicians asking for campaign contributions…just imagine the money that could go to needy suffering people such as the returning wounded and aids victims…your system is badly broken…

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By Craig, October 31, 2006 at 11:40 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

First of all, vote like your life depends on it this year!!!  Make sure all your Democratic family members, friends, and co-workers vote.  Offer to take them to the polls if need be.

With that said, I’ll be surprised if we gain more than six House seats, and maybe one Senate seat.  However, it will be a miracle if we get even that.  You see, everything in our election system works to the R’s advantage; everything in it also works to our disadvantage.  Turning over just one House seat takes enormous effort.

So can we please not have to go through all the hair-pulling and analyzing on the day after the election like we do every two years?  Let’s just celebrate what we get and immediately begin working on 2008.

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By tom morrison, October 31, 2006 at 11:19 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly
these are the people who wanted MG Butler USMC to overthrow the government of this country. Just as Senators Stimpson, Dole, etal went to Iraq as did Rumsfelt, to glad hand Saddam ‘Senator Prescott Bush was Fritz Thysen’s U.S. Banking pardner up to and during WW2. Popa Bush was unconvicted during Iran/Contra. They were negligent if not part of 9/11. I doubt there is anything these criminals won’t do to stay in power.
  As those in Iraq and other countries will die for their liberty/country we will be faced with the same opportunity thanks to these people.

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By observantX, October 31, 2006 at 9:29 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Molly:  Have enjoyed reading an unbridled critic of this administration for some time.

My thoughts on etiquette regarding winners and losers:

In the past it was sportsmanlike and gentlemanly to be magnanimous in victory and gracious in defeat.  However, being a close observer of the behavior of the current crowd of Republicans, I say “NO”.  These guys pulled no punches, resorted to the vilest and lowest of smear, lies and spin to keep their iron grip on government power in this country.  If they go down this election, they deserve a good swift kick in the ‘nads just to even the score a little.  It’s time the Dems and Libertarians and Independents dish out a little of the pain these rogue powermongers have been spreading around for the past two election cycles.  Maybe then they will wake up and realize that what goes ‘round, comes ‘round.

Then let the indictments begin!

Molly, keep holding their feet to the fire.

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By mickeyjay31, October 31, 2006 at 9:25 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Good Golly, Ms. Molly, when you’re right, you’re right!

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By Paul Magill (Smith), October 31, 2006 at 6:58 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Sorry Molly, I have to disagree with you on this one. Before, during, and after these elections I will wear my new shirt. On the front it states in bold letters:

“Impeach…NO—-Indict…HELL YES!”

And on the back:

“Bush gave us six bad years in the Whitehouse…Let’s give him 15-20 in the Bighouse!”

Republican rhetoric demands punishment of criminals so let’s hold them to their own words. Oops, I forgot they are liars, so they likely lied about that, too. I guess they’ll just have to rely on ‘compassionate liberals’ for their forgiveness.

Actually, vindictiveness is taken out of my hands by the firm belief karma always resolves itself toward justice. It’s just sad this eventuality sometimes takes lifetimes.

Does this world really have time to wait?

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By Sue, October 31, 2006 at 5:45 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Beware, 1 week left. Still to worry about what Karl Rove has up his sleave. (more than just a hairy arm I’ll bet.) But most of all to worry about is the fickle voters out there who change their minds at the drop of a hat! Some are darn right stupid in their voting habits.They sway left and right depending on what they hear and think they like. And people like the Karl Rove’s out there know this and play right into their hands for a vote in their direction.

Hell, the last election republicans won it on good ole “moral” values? Go figure.

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By Mad as Hell, October 31, 2006 at 5:21 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Pulling up before the goal line is a GREAT way to get tackled and not score.

Now is the time for a full-court press, to try to DESTROY any Republican hopes of squeaking out a victory.  We must ensure that “spoiled ballots” and “provisional ballots” aren’t trashed, and that stiffs like John Kerry stop putting their foot in their mouth!

Time to stay on message: “Had enough?”

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By Kevin, October 31, 2006 at 4:53 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Keep them frustrated and seething until…oh January 21, 2009

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By lawlessone, October 31, 2006 at 3:45 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Sadly, Bush, Cheney and Rove are probably right in their public predictions that thier Republicans will retain absolute control of the House, Senate and everything else come election day.  After all, they already control the paperless Diebold voting machines installed in far too many states.  To paraphrase Stalin, another master at “winning” elections, you don’t need to control the voters if you control the vote counters.

More at resistence-is-possible.blogspot.com

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By Thank to Barbra Streisand, October 31, 2006 at 3:30 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Thank YOU to Barbra Streisand for speaking OUT.
Much appreciate your wit and voice!
Sincerely
Mother of US Special Forces Soldier
d-green
green
rangers
seals

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/15889727.htm

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By 3reddogs, October 31, 2006 at 3:20 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

And if the Repubs steal this election like they’ve stolen the last 3 do you honestly think they won’t be rubbing our face in it???  They won’t just be gloating, they’ll be proclaiming another MANDATE. Two more years of listening to these jackasses defending the dumbest, the worst president in American history. Sorry, but if we win I’ll be visiting every one of the right-wing blogs that have been professing their adoration for King George and spewing nothing but hate towards those of us who dissent and I’ll be GLOATING because we’ve earned that right. Do unto others as they’ve done unto you!

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By Konnie, October 31, 2006 at 1:06 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

fifth:  here’s an indictment for you, here’s an indictment for you, here’s an indictment for you, here’s an idictment for you, here’s an indictment for you…etc.etc.etc.

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By Dan Weintraub, October 31, 2006 at 10:33 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Oh Molly…

You and like-minded liberals are ignoring TWO essential facts: first of all, George Bush’s revolutionary use of the presidential signing statement has to a significant extent nullified the law-making authority of the Congress. It doesn’t really matter whether the laws are “liberal” or “conservative” ministrations: they are no longer laws. They are “advisory” statements. Secondly, you ALSO seem to be ignoring the reality of black-box election fraud now so rampant in our precious democracy. I happen to think that Bush and his cadre of Princes will “let” the democrats win a few races this year. It’ll give the dems and libs a sense that all is really OK w/Diebold. Then, in 2008, watch the neocons reatke the Congress and the White House. I’ll put money on it.

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By KISS, October 31, 2006 at 10:22 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Oh Molly,how you have mellowed. Where is that acerbic wit, that acid flowing over those gems of enlightenment? Be kind to repugs??? Never! Let them wallow in their excrement.  And above all “Illegitimi non carborundum”.

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By tom lloyd, October 31, 2006 at 7:47 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

and now the Republicans will start sounding like the Chicago Cubs…“there is always next year,  after all,  next year February 30 will be a brand new day”.

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By stevebenjamins, October 31, 2006 at 1:20 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

I am steeling myself for the possibility of yet another stolen election, Karl Rove and Co. cannot afford jail time, they would rather their home grown voting machines due their deed; Steal another one, then start jailing those who start to complain sans Habeus Corpus.

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By wilderness voice, October 31, 2006 at 12:53 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

http://blog.au.org/2006/05/prayer_divide_u.html

Reps. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) and Walter Jones (R-N.C.) are waging a crusade on behalf of Religious Right lobbyists, such as James Dobson’s Focus on the Family, to subvert recent guidelines created by the Navy and Air Force that call on chaplains to respect all service members’ religious beliefs and not to use their positions to proselytize.

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