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Reports

Andy Borowitz: Bush Proposes Making Illegal Immigrants ‘Guest Voters’

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Posted on Oct 27, 2006

By Andy Borowitz

In his boldest stroke to date to break the logjam over illegal immigration, President George W. Bush today proposed a “guest voter” program for illegal immigrants that would make them eligible to vote in the midterm elections on Nov. 7.

Speaking at a press conference at the White House this morning, Mr. Bush said that his “guest voter” proposal would allow illegal immigrants to attain full citizenship status for one day only.

“Illegal immigrants are important to this country, because they do many of the things that other Americans are unwilling to do,” the president said. “Like voting.”

According to the president’s plan, undocumented immigrants would be bused to special “naturalization/voting booths” on Nov. 7, where they could become citizens for the day simply by pulling a lever.

“Then, when their work is done, we’ll make sure they’re back on the other side of the border by Nov. 8,” Mr. Bush said. “Everyone wins.”

But Mr. Bush’s guest voter program received mix reviews from congressional Democrats, many of whom believe that glitches in the so-called naturalization/voting booths could lead to invalid election results.

In particular, critics have complained that in an early prototype of the booth, the translation of the phrase “I want to be a U.S. citizen” appeared as “Vote for all Republican candidates with this lever.”

Unfazed by the critics, Mr. Bush said he would move forward with this and other immigration proposals, including building a 700-foot fence around Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.).

Elsewhere, the Department of Homeland Security warned of more attacks after supermodel Naomi Campbell was released on bail.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Republican Playbook.” To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Copyright 2006 Creators Syndicate

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By Just wow.., November 1, 2006 at 9:30 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

It’s no wonder the democrats get elected with people commenting like they did. It’s a joke people. Give me a break.... I swear you people foam at the mouth for an attempt to bash our President into the ground.

Report this

By bc42, October 31, 2006 at 8:57 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

I don’t know what’s worse, where Iraq is going or where American democracy is going.  I think he invaded America.

Report this

By Pat in Montana, October 31, 2006 at 11:43 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Chris, You knew I knew it was a joke didn’t you?
Still laughin’

Report this

By Saussisson, October 30, 2006 at 4:28 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

wy, Chris, you are so perceptive you almost had me fooled for a minute there!!!!

Report this

By chris, October 29, 2006 at 2:11 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

you all realize this is humor right?  it’s not real.

Report this

By Montie Shields, October 29, 2006 at 1:37 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

I seriously thought this was a joke, then I
read all of the comments by other people. I
know how irrational George W can be. Several
weeks before he started bombing Iraq I was
watching WGN-TV, when the news at noon came
on he looked into that camera red eye and
said, I want to be the Commander-In-Chief of
the first War of the Twenty-First Century. I
asked myself doesn’t he know or care that peo-
ple get killed in WAR, or does he care? I
spent Twenty-Years and Twenty-Four days in
the U.S. Air Force. After taking the Oath
five times when I left the service no one De-
Oathed me, so I’m still fighting
Montie Shields USAF Ret.

Report this

By Pat in Montana, October 28, 2006 at 2:59 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Shoot!! I thought this was a big put-on. Am I getting foggy in my thinking so close to the election?  Actually I wouldn’t be surprised. LOL

Report this

By Sherry, October 28, 2006 at 2:57 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

I don’t believe what I am reading.  Making illegals legal for a day.  He is really reaching to keep the Republicans in office.  I guess he thinks that if the illegals can vote even for one day they will vote as he sees fit.  This is AMERICA, all of our families came from some place else and they learned to read and write and also speak English.  When and if they could attend school, there were no classes in all the different languages.  They learned English.

I think Gorgie Boy (I have never called him by is “appointed” office as it is a title of respect and he must earn it.  And he never will in my book.  He has gone off the deep end.  And we Americans are suffering for it.

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By e.sitton, October 28, 2006 at 2:44 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Mr.Bush should go back to the bush and wrap himself around a 25ft. reticulated python and call it a day.

Report this

By gangsta bogey, October 28, 2006 at 2:31 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Wow, this is the funniest thing I have ever heard. Is he really serios about this BS, become a citizen for one day. I mean does he really think that he can decieve the american people with voting? Does he think we forget about Ohio, and Florida. Heres an example of how the poll works: Press this botton for Democrat, but it actually turns out to be a vote for the republicans. Bush, Bush, Bush--what more can we say.

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By Manny, October 28, 2006 at 12:25 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)

Tell me if I’m dreaming but has Bush lost
all common sense. If Congress goes along with this election scam then we are in deep deep trouble. The fact that Mr. Bush even proposed it cencerns me because something is very wrong with his thinking.The fact that is he playing games with our election system is illogical and frightening. This matter should be of great importance to all Americans.

Report this

By Guitarsandmore, October 28, 2006 at 11:55 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Mexico is about to find out that they do not in fact own the South West United States as their notorious leader so firmly believes.

Report this

By Quy Tran, October 28, 2006 at 11:03 am #
(Unregistered commenter)

Political game is always dirty but the games played by Bush and his subordinates are much much more sordic than hookers. They want to win at any bet even with their prestige, virtue and moral. Have nothing to utter more !

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