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In Texas, History Isn’t What It Used to Be

If you were the state responsible for George W. Bush being elected president, you’d throw out your history books, too.

Posted on Mar 22, 2010 READ MORE


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Americans to Lose One Hour to Daylight Saving and the Rest to Facebook, Twitter

Due to the extraordinary amount of time the average American spends on the two popular social networking sites, he or she is expected to waste 48 hours this weekend out of a possible 47.

Posted on Mar 14, 2010 READ MORE


GOP Lawmaker Demands Recall of Car That Drove Him to Gay Club

The senator said not only did the car drive him to the gay nightclub, but it forced him to enter the club and party there for hours, resulting in his later arrest for DUI. (Editor’s note: Although Roy Ashburn is a real state senator who really was arrested on a DUI charge after allegedly being at a gay club, in this column Borowitz takes the liberty of manufacturing a set of quotations for satire’s sake.)

Posted on Mar 7, 2010 READ MORE


Toyota Chief Overshoots Congressional Hearings by 150 Miles

Toyota President Akio Toyoda said he was having difficulties with the brakes on his 2010 Toyota Prius, which finally came to rest after crashing into a blacksmith’s shop in Colonial Williamsburg.

Posted on Feb 28, 2010 READ MORE


Tiger’s Mistresses Fill Yankee Stadium to View Press Conference

Thousands of Tiger Woods’ mistresses converged on Yankee Stadium to watch the golfing legend’s press conference on the stadium’s giant Jumbotron.

Posted on Feb 21, 2010 READ MORE


A Doctor in the House

When it comes to the problem of health care costs, I don’t know why everyone doesn’t just do what I do, which is to have a sister who is a doctor.

Posted on Jul 3, 2009 READ MORE


Kitten of the Sea

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) recently announced that they’ve gone insane. Of course, that isn’t exactly how they worded it. What they say on their Web site, www.peta.org, is that from now on we should all refer to fish as “sea kittens.”

Posted on Feb 2, 2009 READ MORE


Shirtless President-Elect Creates Crisis of Confidence

Global markets swooned this week in reaction to photos showing that President-elect Barack Obama had lost his shirt.

Posted on Dec 28, 2008 READ MORE


Caroline Kennedy Asks to Be Time’s Person of the Year

Caroline Kennedy would like to be considered Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2009 and has let the magazine’s editor know of her interest in the honor, aides to Ms. Kennedy confirmed this week.

Posted on Dec 22, 2008 READ MORE


Obama’s Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy

In the first two weeks after the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the last eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Posted on Nov 24, 2008 READ MORE


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