The wicked (and satirical, everyone!) masterminds over at The Onion have once again cooked up an illuminating, if discomfiting, parody—this time in prose form, skewering the particularly contentious public figure of Rush Limbaugh. It’s not pretty, but then, neither are many of the statements Limbaugh has emitted over the course of his storied broadcasting career. —KA
Salty language alert!
Try to look at it from my point of view. I have no reason to live. In my 59 years, I’ve made millions of dollars, built a veritable media empire, and accomplished virtually everything that a man of my limited imagination and worldview could possibly accomplish. And yet, at this point, in no way could you refer to what I’m doing as “living,” exactly. I just sort of exist. I derive no real pleasure from life. Oh, sure, I talk a big game about what a golf nut I am and how much I enjoy the taste of a fine cigar, but it’s all horseshit. Complete and utter horseshit.