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Ear to the Ground

How to Spot a Republican

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Posted on Jun 17, 2010
Flickr / ronnie44052 (CC-BY-SA)

Spotted in the comments of a Crooks and Liars post, this laugher about a woman lost in a hot air balloon has been making its way around the Internet.

BaScOmBe commenting at Crooks and Liars:

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

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By Umm...., June 30, 2010 at 10:14 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Not to offend any democrats, but how does this make any sense? The executive and legislative branches are both controlled by Democrats, are they not? Obama and those democrats in the Congress and Senate ran their campaigns on a return to regulation, an exit from Iraq and Afghanistan, and an exodus from the financial crisis. By any account they have failed on all fronts. In this time period we have increased the national debt by $2 trillion dollars. No worries though Obama has a plan to pay it off: He’ll appoint a committee to find a plan to pay it off.

After 2 years in office Obama seems to have continued all of Bush’s policies, but is not criticized due to him being a Democrat (and black, perhaps?). It seems to me that whoever wrote this joke (which I first saw written as Management and Engineers vs. Repubs and Dems) is out of touch with reality. The Democrats (specifically Barack) have risen to power on the back of words that have ultimately been shown to be utterly hollow. Maybe it’s time to abandon our morally bankrupt, broken two-party system, outlaw cable news and blogosphere hyperbole, and return to sanity.

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By MCA, June 27, 2010 at 3:52 pm Link to this comment

“Yeah, I just love Republican thinking—always a justification to take money from Dem states and give it to GOP states.  Notice that “Red” states with few exceptions (like Texas) ALL get more back from the Feds than they put in.  Only a few “Blue” states are in that situation.  The rest? We are being milked dry pumping OUR money into the pockets of those that hate “handouts”, regulation, and consider the Federal Government “the enemy”, all the while taking its money (and our, the Blue states’ money). “

Typical liberal with the wrong facts. Do some research instead of listening to biased media and others too lazy to do actual research. 
As for red and blue states, I suggest you take note of the fact that more people live in blue states than red, and as such takes most of the money. I suggest you redo your research on who gets what from federal money.  The bulk of the money going to all 50 states from the feds end up in blue states. 
You complain about having to help clean up the cost of the oil spill, but I didn’t hear any grumbling over the money pouring in from red states when blue states had their disasters.
You complain conservatives don’t give enough to the poor, but you complain about federal tax dollars going to the poorer states?  Isn’t that what you call two faced?  That’s what it’s called where I’m from, a state unlike DC, FL, CT, CA, MA, all blue states who receive more than they pay.  My state receives less than we pay.

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By ivan, June 23, 2010 at 11:56 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

This joke originally had the man as a Republican and
the woman as the Democrat. It actually made sense then.

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By rico, suave, June 21, 2010 at 4:47 am Link to this comment

ITW:

“The Feds aren’t giving it back—they are redistributing it, not based on rich to poor, but based on the CLOUT Re-thug senators in small states have—the “anti-redistribution” folks are all the biggest recipients—take Michelle Bachmann, getting something like 1/4 million in farm subsidies each year!

Yeah let ALL the redistribution end and you’ll see all those right-winger states BEGGING at the trough…”

I COULD NOT AGREE WITH YOU MORE!!! Except for your last phrase. If people got to keep what they had in the first place, there would be no more need for begging! Or at least it would rightfully fall on deaf ears.

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By Inherit The Wind, June 20, 2010 at 8:59 pm Link to this comment

rico, suave, June 20 at 7:52 pm #

ITW:
“and consider the Federal Government “the enemy”, all the while taking its money”

Taking “its money”? The federal government’s money? Where did the fed get “its” money from?

And are you telling me you don’t like wealth redistribution? Well, good golly miss molly! There’s hope for you yet.

And anyway, why should Republicans, or Democrats, or anybody, “thank” the feds for giving back what was originally theirs in the first place?
***********************************

You don’t get it.  The Feds aren’t giving it back—they are redistributing it, not based on rich to poor, but based on the CLOUT Re-thug senators in small states have—the “anti-redistribution” folks are all the biggest recipients—take Michelle Bachmann, getting something like 1/4 million in farm subsidies each year!

Yeah let ALL the redistribution end and you’ll see all those right-winger states BEGGING at the trough—Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama are ALL doing it now…that they NEED the Federal Government.  Where’s “States’ Rights” when it comes to cleaning up the oil?  In the shit-can, that’s where “we NEED that Jersey/New York money to save OUR livelihood!”

Phony libertarian “free-market” bullshit hypocrites when the shit REALLY hit the fan—or the beaches.

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By poonckie, June 20, 2010 at 4:00 pm Link to this comment

The Feds have been strip mining the States and the Gov agencies that oversee our safety. The money for these wars had to come from somewhere. They cut the budget of the FAA to the bone and we now have fewer controllers working more traffic and longer hours. They’ve cut the pay as well. The American public doesn’t hear about all the near collisions and runway incursions, since our MSM is 24/7 politics. Our education system has been gutted as evidenced by our low standing in the World and the ignorant mobs ranting against their own interests.

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By rico, suave, June 20, 2010 at 3:52 pm Link to this comment

ITW:
“and consider the Federal Government “the enemy”, all the while taking its money”

Taking “its money”? The federal government’s money? Where did the fed get “its” money from?

And are you telling me you don’t like wealth redistribution? Well, good golly miss molly! There’s hope for you yet.

And anyway, why should Republicans, or Democrats, or anybody, “thank” the feds for giving back what was originally theirs in the first place?

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By Inherit The Wind, June 20, 2010 at 2:04 pm Link to this comment

rico, suave, June 20 at 3:14 pm #

ITW:
It may be that the reason you don’t get more fedbucks is because the fed programs are means tested. And since you have huge state and local tax rates, the feds reason that you can pay most of your own freight. Just a thought- I don’t know.

***********************************

Yeah, I just love Republican thinking—always a justification to take money from Dem states and give it to GOP states.  Notice that “Red” states with few exceptions (like Texas) ALL get more back from the Feds than they put in.  Only a few “Blue” states are in that situation.  The rest? We are being milked dry pumping OUR money into the pockets of those that hate “handouts”, regulation, and consider the Federal Government “the enemy”, all the while taking its money (and our, the Blue states’ money).

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By rico, suave, June 20, 2010 at 11:14 am Link to this comment

ITW:
It may be that the reason you don’t get more fedbucks is because the fed programs are means tested. And since you have huge state and local tax rates, the feds reason that you can pay most of your own freight. Just a thought- I don’t know.

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By vanderleun, June 20, 2010 at 11:01 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Works better like this:

The man smiled and responded, “You must be President Barack
Obama.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are
going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made promises you have no idea how to keep, and you taxpayers
to solve your problems. We’re worse off then before we met, but
somehow, now it’s Bush’s fault.”

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By Inherit The Wind, June 20, 2010 at 6:22 am Link to this comment

rico, suave, June 20 at 9:30 am #

ITW:

If New Jersey gets only $.62 back for every dollar it sends to Washington, that’s because your Senators and Reps are lousy pork writers. They need to go to a Robert Byrd training session. Tell them to nuzzle up closer to the trough, man!

How about that Chris Christie!!!
******************************

Ain’t that the truth! I may be a Dem but these two butt-heads in the Senate make me sick! I NEVER forgot that one of the cross-over votes that put that sexual predator Clarence Thomas on the USSC was Lautenberg’s (It was 52-48).  And Menendez voted for the NEW version of the FISA when the old one was more than strong enough.

Here’s how Chris Christie thinks:  The boat’s filling up with water.  We better sink it so it doesn’t capsize.

That’s it in a nutshell. He’s one of you kookie “Starve the Beast” Re-thuglicans who is going to cut off ESSENTIAL public services—like issuing licenses and registrations at the MVC (DMV to you) and cut back on fire and police.

The kicker is ALL the main problems go back to Christine Todd Wittman’s reckless huge tax cuts that made for giant deficits—the SAME deficits that Codey, McSleezy, Corzine and now Christie have to deal with. 

It didn’t even work—property taxes all over the state had to go up instead to allow municipalities to maintain schools and roads and local police and fire departments—our prop tax has nearly doubled in a dozen years.

Sooner or later, the money for schools and roads and firemen and policemen has to come from somewhere or you have…Kandahar.

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By rico, suave, June 20, 2010 at 5:30 am Link to this comment

ITW:

If New Jersey gets only $.62 back for every dollar it sends to Washington, that’s because your Senators and Reps are lousy pork writers. They need to go to a Robert Byrd training session. Tell them to nuzzle up closer to the trough, man!

How about that Chris Christie!!!

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By rico, suave, June 20, 2010 at 5:27 am Link to this comment

call me Roy:

Don’t listen to these guys. You’re absolutely right. Stay with this thread and keep pounding. Pretty soon they be hitting you with personal attacks about your sanity and level of intelligence, but that’s all they’ve got in their debate kit.

Keep up the good posts.

As Maggie Thatcher said, “Socialism is fine til you run out of other peoples’ money.”

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By poonckie, June 19, 2010 at 3:45 pm Link to this comment

You’re correct John, but I do believe we as humans have the ability to control our urge to kill. It’s just that we cannot seem to descern when it is necessary for our survival or just to inflict our will on innocents. As a species we are hard wired to reproduce and display naked aggression but a higher conscience prevails for the most part or we would have never progressed beyond small bands of hunter-gatherers. It’s the group-think manipulation that either keeps us civilized or turns us into murderous mobs, I think we are heading towards the murderous mobs as we cheer the destruction of Iraq and Afganistan. I’ve yet to hear the truth as to why we invaded either Country in the first place.

We have become so immune to the horrors of suffering human beings that the rotating slaughter that occurs in foreign countries hardly makes the news anymore, and is of late advocated by our own politicians as a solution to the Republican loss of the House/Senate,and White House.

I remember the first glimpse we had of mass starvation and murder in Biafra in the 70s. People were outraged and songs were sung and monies donated for the relief of the poor wretches, maybe because it came on the heels of the “dead babies” we saw in Viet Nam. As it’s happened over and over around the Globe the reaction has become a yawn. The slaughters in Bosnia,Congo,Sudan,Rwanda and on and on, hardly made us blink and took a backseat in the news to “entertainment” stories.

Our existence is only doomed if the truly intelligent among us sit by and let it happen. As a Democracy we have the ability to change the trajectory if we reject the loud ignorant rantings of the lunatic fringe. It has happened before and I am a product of the American people standing up for what is right. I spent my career as an Air Traffic Controller in the U.S Navy and FAA. A job neither my mother nor my father would have be able to do because of their race. The Country stood up for it’s citizens over the rabid opposition of the elite white male power brokers and did the right thing.

Against all odds I believe we will come to our senses and change our destiny. Maybe I am delusional but to be otherwise would be in itself, self defeating.

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By Samson, June 19, 2010 at 12:59 pm Link to this comment

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Bishop Desmond Tutu:

“We must not allow ourselves to become like the system we oppose. We cannot afford to use methods of which we will be ashamed when we look back, when we say, ‘...we shouldn’t have done that.’ We must remember, my friends, that we have been given a wonderful cause. The cause of freedom! And you and I must be those who will walk with heads held high. We will say, ‘We used methods that can stand the harsh scrutiny of history.’”

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By Samson, June 19, 2010 at 12:54 pm Link to this comment

Fortunately, American ballots make it very easy to spot a Republican if you understand the codes on the ballot.

The most obvious is the (R) after the name.  However, many voters make the mistake of believing these are the only Republicans on the ballot.  However, there is a second code that might also appear on the ballot to indicate a Republican.  That code is a (D) that might appear after a name.

Its very unclear how its decided that some Republicans will have an (R) after their name, while other Republicans will have (D) after their name.  So, a wise voter will just assume that any candidate with either a (D) or an (R) after their name is in fact a Republican.

See, told you it was easy.

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By poonckie, June 19, 2010 at 12:24 am Link to this comment

The comments on this site are exactly what the sleazy corporate owns Pol want. Just listen to you people. America is on the skids and we rant liberal,conservative, like tribal war cries and the corporations that shipped all of our well paying manufacturing jobs overseas, and the politicians that facilitated it with our taxes keep us at each other. Republicans have launched us into crazy wars everytime they have been in charge, Democrats have the spines of sea slugs as they cave to pressure from the opposition and all of them depend on corporate largess to screw the American people.

So keep banging your tribal drums and soon all but the very rich will have drums to bang.

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By Jimnp72, June 18, 2010 at 8:33 pm Link to this comment

To John:
Indeed they did keep their promise, after all.
They promised to take the land away from the rightful owners, and they took it.

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By kalpal, June 18, 2010 at 1:39 pm Link to this comment

call me Roy,

Seems to me that you are very confused. Republicans are 100% bad. Democrats are 99.5% bad and are trying very hard to rise to Republican levels.

Neither party has the best ineterst of the common American citizen at heart.

BTW I have yet to ever see a Republican ever give money to a poor man. I’ve seen them shower money on the rich but never ever even a plugged nickle to the poor.

As one of my “former” Republican associates explained it, The poor hate the idea of being rich they’d rather die than make and have money.

Bah Humbug!

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By Jimnp72, June 18, 2010 at 1:30 pm Link to this comment

why over intellectualize about it. Its funny, and true!!

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By Inherit The Wind, June 18, 2010 at 12:54 pm Link to this comment

Real issue, should we use fiction entertainment to establish truth?

For if you say yes, then you have an elitist mentality, for my laboring class is so slow of thought we cannot tell where the fiction stops, and the truth begins. 
********************************

This from the guy who insists that White Europeans are the most intelligent people on Earth, followed by Jews.  Of course HE is of the first group and I’m of the second (Despite being Caucasian, fair-haired, and green-eyed).

He’s racist, Republican, and obsessively evangelical, but not ecumenical, all by his own words.

Actually, I think he needs serious psychotropic drugs.

Or at least a nap.

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By Hmmm, not quite as funny as originally told, June 18, 2010 at 12:23 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The joke as I originally heard it told over eight
years ago was with the Democrat in the balloon and
the Republican on the ground. It made more sense
then. Especially as the Obama Democrats don’t tell
anything remotely resembling the truth, whether
technically correct or not. Plus, any surplus that
the United States has ever seen usually comes from
the Republican President in charge. The surplus
during the Clinton year? That was because of
Reaganomics. The depression the we started entering
two years ago? Brought to you with help of the
Clinton administration with deregulation. Thanks
again for the hilarious (albeit incredibly wrong)
version of the joke that should have never seen the
light of day.

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By Inherit The Wind, June 18, 2010 at 10:06 am Link to this comment

John Ellis:
You lack a true moral code:
“TRUTH
Quite the reverse for the Republican spoke the truth, “Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”  Whereupon the Democrat tried to blame someone else for his miserable directions and leadership. “

The Dem had NO obligation to do ANYTHING for the Republican, yet both the Republican and YOU assume it’s now the Democrat’s fault.

Just like a Republican to want something for nothing and THEN blame someone when she doesn’t get what she wants.

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By ThomasG, June 18, 2010 at 7:19 am Link to this comment

call me Roy, June 17 at 9:13 pm, call me Roy, June 17 at 9:08 pm, call me Roy, June 17 at 9:04 pm, call me Roy, June 17 at 8:59 pm, call me Roy, June 17 at 8:58 pm,

Humor is based upon truth and the topic of this thread expresses truth.

Sophism, propaganda, and false rhetoric that is based upon getting communal benefit in support of private interest is what the Republicans are all about; aside from humor, the STANDARD needs to be that Republicans and the Right-Wingers, as a whole, provide for their own benefit in support of private interests, rather than to continue to take advantage of moral hazard, the sucking of communal benefit from communal resources like a parasite in support of private benefit.

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By bogi666, June 18, 2010 at 3:05 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

call me roy, your shallow analysis of the situation in Calif., is bogus. The destruction of California started with Reagan with his destruction of the states higher education system and government. However, the problem is that outside interests control the state spending with the ballot initiative system which is used to amend the State Constitution. Out of State interests, Fascist interests, fund ballot initiatives which are only in their interest. They add spending requirements to the Constitution without regard for funding which is be done by the legislature. An example being the State prison system and the 3 strikes life in prison provision. This has lead to spending more on prisons that higher education. For instance, there is a person in prison for life because he stole a bicycle. What I percieve of your temperment I don’t expect you to give up your shallow investigation to justify your trite talking points of mindlessness for the purpsoe of propaganda.

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By ofersince72, June 17, 2010 at 9:55 pm Link to this comment

ITW .......thats what I mean….

  the blame game…....
  no one is blaming themselves though
  this year, next year,
  who is the good guy ???

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By Inherit The Wind, June 17, 2010 at 8:47 pm Link to this comment

Call Me Roy you don’t know jack shit.

I live in New Jersey. I was here when REPUBLICAN Gov. Christine Todd Whitman cut taxes like crazy and everybody cheered.  Except she was running up HUGE deficits that nobody realized till she left and became head of the EPA (where GWB double-crossed her).  Christie Witless left us a HUGE mess, that every governor has tried to deal with—and now Chris Christie, who blamed Jon Corzine for it, is STUCK with it.

New Jersey’s bankruptcy traces back DIRECTLY to Christie Witless.

Now we ALSO rank 50th out of 50 for getting our money back.  For every dollar we send Washington in taxes, the Federal Government spends $.62 here.  That’s worse than every other state.  MOST of the Red states get far more than they kick in.  They are subsidized by the good people of New Jersey.

THAT is why WE are going bankrupt. Not corrupt Democratic polices.  But corrupt Republican policies of draining EVERY resource—then blaming the Democrats.

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By ofersince72, June 17, 2010 at 7:12 pm Link to this comment

Yeah, Mitch McConnel,  John Boehner and Sara

      to the rescue…...How could americans
 
      not see this fix !

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By ofersince72, June 17, 2010 at 7:06 pm Link to this comment

it is the Ruplicans turn to play the good guy now.

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By ofersince72, June 17, 2010 at 7:05 pm Link to this comment

It is so comical that the public still falls for
the good guy , bad guy routine every couple years.

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By ofersince72, June 17, 2010 at 7:03 pm Link to this comment

No thanks don’t wany any

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By call me roy, June 17, 2010 at 5:13 pm Link to this comment

There are now 10 states in the USA that are insolvent and expected to file for bankruptcy in the fairly immediate future (2010).
Which 10 States ? California, Arizona, Florida, Illinois, Michigan, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Rhode Island and Wisconsin. These 10 states account for over one third of the USA population and this is significant. Think of it is more then 33% of the USA going bankrupt. Other States on the Endangered Species List - Colorado, Georgia, Kentucky, New York and Hawaii. These states are in bad shape and can easily get pushed over into bankruptcy. Which States are Financially Solvent ? Only two. Montana and North Dakota, which actually has a $1.3 billion dollar surplus. Why They Are So Bad Off Financially ? High Foreclosure rates, high unemployment, budget deficits, political and legal blocks to having a balanced budget, poor money management.
Real Estate - Declining real estate values cause homeowners to have their house prices adjusted for purposes of paying lower property taxes causing a drop in property tax income revenue. High foreclosure rates means unoccupied homes. That means no taxes on phones, water, cable, Internet etc. More lost revenue. There are very few new housing starts, which means lost jobs and no payroll taxes, and no sales taxes on building supplies and materials. There is also a loss of revenue from building permits and other revenue. A lot of retail space and office space is going vacant which again means lost revenue.

High Unemployment ? This means a drop in state income taxes and a drop in city and county taxes as well. This also causes high unemployment benefits with extensions, which hurts the state especially with a shortage of employers paying into the fund due to a large amount of lost jobs.
Retail Sales ? Of course with such high unemployment these retail sales are off and thus the sales taxes paid to the states, cities and counties is way down further reducing their revenue.
Tourism ? The drop in tourism has caused Nevada to lose a lot of tourism business resulting in jobs lost and the casinos and hotels are in trouble financially with their debt load. Tourism brings Nevada a lot of special tourist taxes that are now way down. Florida and New York are also tourism states and tourism revenue in these states is down.

Result of States Filing Bankruptcy? There will be reductions and loses of pensions for retired workers. There will be layoffs amongst state workers. There will be defaults in part or in full on financial obligations the state cannot fulfill. The bankruptcies will roll downhill and cities and counties will start to go bankrupt. Prisons will be turning to early release and letting large numbers of inmates out early. Prisons will close and department of corrections staffs will be curtailed. Newly convicted criminals will be steered into supervised release, house arrest, and other programs which they offender will be paying for as an alternative for prison which will be reserved for violent offenders. There will still be a lot of convicts, just not a lot of people doing prison time. First responders such as police, highway patrols, and department of corrections law enforcement personnel, fire personnel, ambulances, sewer, water, and other personnel will be laid off out of necessity.
Combined with high unemployment, rising homelessness, an awful economy, early prison release and a very low chance of getting sent to prison crime can be expected to rise significantly. There will need to be layoffs and a certain amount of jobs cut from the public sector within the states, cities and counties. Many of these people were and are Obama supporters but they will sour fast when they lose their jobs in the midst of this depression with awful prospects for work.

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By call me roy, June 17, 2010 at 5:08 pm Link to this comment

A study, conducted by the Pew Center on the States, found that California, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, Oregon, Rhode Island and Wisconsin are among the most bankrupt states in the country. The only ones not run top-to-bottom by Democrats were Arizona, Florida and Nevada…all of which have huge illegal immigration problems.

California to become America’s first failed state?
Their unemployment is at 12 percent, and government staff workers are being paid with IOUs. None other than Professor Kevin Starr, University of Southern California, State Librarian Emeritus, one of California’s greatest historians, pronounced that “We are on the verge of becoming a failed state because we can’t agree on anything.” The California Senate has been in Democratic hands since 1970, and likewise, the Assembly — The reason California may be our first failed state is because the Democratic recipe for success in California is the same as in every other liberal state — more spending —– particularly on social programs and public employee sector benefits. Spending is the public policy that gets Democrats re-elected. (Their state budget went from $56 billion in 1998 to an eye popping $131 billion in 2009.) What nobody on the left is willing to admit is that blue states are in meltdown. Michigan, New York, New Jersey, Illinois (Obamaland), Pennsylvania, Oregon and, of course, California, are in debtors prison. High levels of taxation, a love affair with regulations — the more the merrier — and the unremitting expansion of public sector employment have made public sector unions a political powerhouse. It’s hard to imagine that the debates in the primary elections will not focus on job creation in the private sector, and stemming the tide of businesses and high-income residents fleeing the state. So will California’s elections move them right of center as we saw with Europe’s large social democracies, or will their fascination for Obama-like left-leaning economic policies remain intact — no jobs, increased spending and bigger government. Lastly, Los Angeles voted to Arizona boycott over immigration law. Who cares? Many states are now looking at passing the same law. LA and San Francisco have just hurt there on own economy’s which according to all the top economists won’t last long anyway. This is bad news, who wants to be like California Not Arizona. Many experts agree that after the November elections the Democrats will lose the Congress and Obama’s rating will drop 20% to the lowest ever recorded for any US President.

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By call me roy, June 17, 2010 at 5:04 pm Link to this comment

Democrats at their best?
California horror stories

California is living proof that there really is no end to the harm liberals will do to any economy they get their hands on. As several other posters have already pointed out, people are fleeing California by the hundreds of thousands because the state gov’t has made it impossible to prosper there. So naturally the ‘solutions’ proposed by the state are to invent even more of the same onerous regulations that are already destroying that prosperity.
In another 10 years there won’t be anyone left in California except spoiled movie stars and the homeless. Come to think of it, the “stars” won’t be there either, in fact the movie studios are leaving now, it’s to expensive. Of course, they won’t broadcast that to the smelly and worshiping masses.

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johnnyfarout's avatar

By johnnyfarout, June 17, 2010 at 5:00 pm Link to this comment

An old biker was told one day by his doctor that he had only months to live. So he gathered around him one night his best riding buddy and his long time life buddy and his old lady. He told them of his fate. All were shocked, none more so to say the least than his old lady. So he explained to them his plan for his funeral when the time came. He wanted his bike in the grave with him and he dressed in his leathers. He also wanted to take along with him his savings, which he had hidden all these years: $15,000 in cash. He made them each swear that they would carry out his wishes, which they all swore to. Then, being crafty, he figured he’d divide the cash up equally between them and make them each swear that it would be put in his grave with him. So he handed out the 3 envelopes and felt at ease. The inevitable day came. At the grave site the motorcycle was rolled in on top of him. All around were heavy looks and sadness. Then up stepped his best riding buddy dressed in new leathers and squeaking and rubbing and smelling fine. Behind him was his bike clad out in new saddle bags and shiny trim. He cleared his throat as all looked to hear what he had to say. He told about the envelope he promised to throw in the grave and then said, “But I ain’t never had that much money at one time in my life and I guess I gave in to my weaknesses and I bought myself those saddle bags and that shiny trim and then I got all new leathers…these here I’m wearing now, and I have to apologize and thank my old road pardner for giving them to me, but I ain’t got no money left…and I see he don’t need it anyway. Amen” Then he stepped back into he crowd. The lifetime buddy cleared his throat and shouldered through the crowd then, also decided on what to say. He told how useful that 5g’s was to him and his family and how he put it all to good use for his kids and all and how it kept him from going to jail. He too was sorry but didn’t have any money left to throw in the grave as he had vowed.” Too bad. Amen.” At that point the deceased biker’s old lady stomped forward and eyed the two son’s a bitches with her slow eye, with hands on her newly leather clad hips she stood arms akimbo, her clinkling silver chains waving to and fro under her open riding jacket with so many zippers and pockets even the old timers were impressed. She pulled an envelope from one of them and waved it in the air, announcing loudly, “ I told him you two were no good son’s a bitches and would never do what was right! I knew what kind of people you were but you had him all fooled all his life! He was so foolish about everybody.” Then she started to cry real loud. Then stopped. Stepped to the grave and said…”Here’s my check for the whole 5 grand, honey!” and let it flutter down on top of the bike.

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By call me roy, June 17, 2010 at 4:59 pm Link to this comment

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and got out twenty dollars. He kept $15 for administrative fees and gave the homeless person five.
Now you understand the difference between Republicans & Democrats.

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By call me roy, June 17, 2010 at 4:58 pm Link to this comment

What Liberals want
Libs want Health Care but want someone else to pay for it. Libs want energy but want the power source built someplace else. Libs want money but want someone else to work for it. Libs want security but want someone else to die for it. See why it is so easy to be a Lib.

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By ofersince72, June 17, 2010 at 4:00 pm Link to this comment

My Dad’s analogy between liberals and conservatives
was not bad,  he loved the water and spent many hours
sailing around in his 36ft sloop.

He used the anology of a ship,
Liberals are in the pilot house guideing the ship
safely to port and the conservatives are in the engine
rooms keeping ship steaming

Of course , times have changed so much since his sixties
analogy,  I know Dad would have changed this a million
times by now.

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By purplewolf, June 17, 2010 at 3:42 pm Link to this comment

If the tea party has the answer, it must be a bitter brew indeed!

They have steeped too long, the water that was once warm has turned cold and bitter to the taste and now must be thrown out as this batch has turned out badly.

Think I will stick with coffee instead.

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By Maani, June 17, 2010 at 3:39 pm Link to this comment

That is a VERY old joke…

Here’s a newer one (since this thread is likely to devolve into a series of jokes anyway…LOL)

Let’s put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks, they’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheelchairs, etc. and they’d receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would beironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool, and education. Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.‘s and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each senior could have a P.C. T.V., radio, and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

The “criminals” would get cold food,  be left all alone, and unsupervised. Llights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room, and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all.

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By kalpal, June 17, 2010 at 3:38 pm Link to this comment

It is indeed a tried and well tested joke and unfortunately oh so true.

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Hulk2008's avatar

By Hulk2008, June 17, 2010 at 11:22 am Link to this comment

The oldies are sometimes the best.

If Repubs, conservatives, and Tea Partiers really have an answer for all our ills, why oh why do they keep it a secret?

Maybe they are all so old (like McCain) that they forgot…..

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