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Cheney’s Satanic Verses

Posted on Jun 24, 2009
Dick Cheney
AP photo / Manuel Balce Ceneta

So now Dick Cheney gets to torture prose.

Dick Cheney, former vice president, defense secretary and White House chief of staff, has signed a reported $2 million deal with Simon & Schuster to publish his memoirs as a public official in four administrations. Bets are it’ll be a thriller marked with torture, stolen elections, war and, hopefully, no sex.

Former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney signed a deal to write a memoir about his life in politics, a New York publishing house said.

A spokesman for Simon & Schuster said Cheney would write his book about his service in four presidential administrations for the publisher’s Threshold Editions, The New York Times reported Wednesday.

His memoir has a publication date in the spring of 2011.

Cheney has been shopping for a publisher for about two months, the Times reported. The deal was negotiated by Robert Barnett, a Washington lawyer who also represents former Presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton, and U.S. President Barack Obama.

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By ExAm, June 25, 2009 at 1:43 am Link to this comment
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What happened that made this place a banana republic?  How did we let it get this far that we allow maniacs to torture and admit it and not have liability?  Allow these jerkwater leaders to have full health insurance while OPENLY denying us decent care?  Allowing them to receive campaign bribes from the very companies that want to fleece us for more profit?  Start a war that bankrupted us based on lies and not hold anyone accountable?

Now this nazi pig gets millions for writing a book? What happened?  These clowns must be removed and stripped of any wealth accumulated on our taxes.

Where are the pitchforks?

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By richard east, June 24, 2009 at 9:49 pm Link to this comment

Mary, here’s my title suggestion:

How to Lie, Cheat, Steal, Torture, Shoot a Man in the Face and Get Away with It All (Along With Retirement Kickbacks!): A Guide To Patriotism and Preemptive Wars by Dick Cheney

Seriously though, I second diamond’s post 100%. In particular: “That he’s still free and able to write a book is a disgrace all Americans are to blame for.”

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By boggs, June 24, 2009 at 9:40 pm Link to this comment

What can he write about?
He’ll have to lie his ass off.
I hope the publisher isn’t paying him 2million upfront, for that seems like a lot to recoup from a bunch of regurgitated lies.

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By Mary Ann McNeely, June 24, 2009 at 1:57 pm Link to this comment

Here are some title suggestions:

The Reincarnation of Joseph Stalin

The Reincarnation of Pol Pot

See Dick Run.  See Dick Lie

The Reincarnation of Richard Nixon

Wow!  I Coulda Had A V-ietnam

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By knute, June 24, 2009 at 12:38 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

This walking , talking, Traitor to everything this country once stood for needs a cozy jail cell to write from . Undisturbed from the day to day distractions save perhaps the demands of the nearest bubba. As long as this bastard remains aloof from any acountability, what we used to call justice is nothing but empty words. Whenever you see Cheney spewing his venom to the talking heads, do any of them call him on his former lies ? Even though he’s on film doing it ? HOw could this do anything but embolden him and his brainless followers ?  A hundred Bin Laden’s couldn’t have cause the damage this mainiac has caused our nation’s future. Our gutless congress will never act for the people in this. They answer to others beside the people they were elected to represent. They answer to the banking industry, the drug making industry and the insurance industry. The banks have been given billions of our dollars and have done nothing to help the american people. The only reason there is any movement recently in the housing industry is only the parasites taking advantage of bank forclosures. The people who lost those same homes are left out in the cold. Wake up america…our goverment quit representing you quite awhile ago. In Iran the people under threat of death are marching in the streets to protest the election fraud in their country. What did we do when the republican party rigged the elections of 2000 and 2004 ? Nothing, we sat back down and turned on American Idol….we deserve this shit basket were living in now. Next time a voting cycle comes around, ask yourself…has my representitive done anything to make him / her standout as actually doing something or atleast trying to do something that matters for us ? In 99% of the cases the answer will be “Ofcourse Not - Fool”....look at their records, its all avail. on the net, check them out and remove them if they are just another professional politician wanna-be. That is ultimately the only power we have, and we are too lame to use it.

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By diamond, June 24, 2009 at 12:31 pm Link to this comment

And no doubt the Dick will make more squillions out of his lies, deceit and self-justification. Why not? He’s been doing it for decades. That he’s still free and able to write a book is a disgrace all Americans are to blame for.

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By jean Gerard, June 24, 2009 at 11:47 am Link to this comment
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Oh wow!  Cheney-baby’s “True/False Confessions.”  And after that, the movie, good for another million or so—and just think of the spin-offs:  Cheney Handcuffs for Kids, a Ball-and-Cheney, of course.  And a real Cheney Barking Dog to terrify the neighborhood and keep people from breaking and entering, maybe even a toy gun with cotton pellets your kid could use to shoot his playmates in the face.  Then there are the two companion dolls, Hallie and Burton, that are magnetized.  When released they run about on the floor picking up play money and stuffing it through a slot in their stomachs.  And on and on.

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By "G"utless "W"itless Hitler, June 24, 2009 at 10:26 am Link to this comment

If It Doesn’t Look Like a Duck, Swim Like a Duck or Quack Like a Duck, Then It Better Duck!!!—The Memoirs of “Shotgun” Dick Cheney

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By Anarcissie, June 24, 2009 at 9:46 am Link to this comment

I think the idea of his writing it in verse is excellent.  We can count on its Satanic content, given Cheney’s character, but he may need to practice up on his versification skills.

If I may recommend, I think iambic pentameter, in the tradition of Shakespeare—I’m thinking of the great villains like Macbeth—might be the way to go.

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By everynobody, June 24, 2009 at 7:54 am Link to this comment
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Oh great, the devil gets to speak. Where’s our Daniel Webster?

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