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British Forces: We Did Not Unleash Man-Eating Badgers

Posted on Jul 12, 2007

In an account typical of some circulating in Basra, a resident told the BBC that she was attacked by a dog-sized creature with the head of a monkey. Many locals believe that such creatures (recently identified as honey badgers) have been released by the British to sow panic. The rumors have now been officially denied by UK military spokesman Maj. Mike Shearer: “We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.”

Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic.

But several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers.

The rumours spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.

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By Bukko in Australia, July 20, 2007 at 9:17 pm Link to this comment

Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers!

Touche! I suppose SOMEBODY had to say it!

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By LAT, July 20, 2007 at 12:58 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers!

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By WykydRed, July 14, 2007 at 4:13 pm Link to this comment


Ah ha! Deep investigation has unveiled your heinous plot!

Found: the giant lion-eating chimps of the magic forest

If you’re going to be an Evil Overlord, never, never, EVER reveal your plans, even if you intend to kill the Hero right after you explain things to him in detail!

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By Mariam Russell, July 14, 2007 at 12:22 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Has a delegation of women shown up yet to request more man-eating badgers? Seems to me that might solve some of their in-house problems.

come to think of it! You say E-Bay for $25.00? I’ll get right on it.

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By WykydRed, July 13, 2007 at 11:40 pm Link to this comment

I’m waiting to see the counter-insurgency report on this one:

Badgers In Basra Beheaded By Ba’athists

The Giant Man-Eating Badger squad was dealt a blow today when they were unexpectedly attacked by a surge of insurgents dressed as Giant Camel Spiders who slipped past Badger Patrols and attached themselves to the undercarriages of trucks which then exploded.

Despite an outcry from Democrats over the lack of heavier exoskeletons for American troops, The Bush Administration is marking this skirmish as a victory in the push to bring Democracy to this country. “The Camel Spiders are sissy-maries who resort to these tactics because they’re done. Done like a well-grilled pheasant!” Vice President Cheney was quoted as growling earlier today.

British troops and the House of Commons are completely confused by these statements as the Badger Squad contains neither embedded American troops or reporters and no one has been able to verify this spurious account of this IED (Insect Engineered Disaster) related incident.

American reporters were attempting to verify this horrendous account, but then the White House told us to “drop the matter and just print the damn thing”. Please go to our website to see the lack of video on this story.

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By minamoto no taira, July 13, 2007 at 7:58 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

The British Army’s next move is to release into Basra the giant hedgehog named “Spiny Norman”.  DINSDALE?!!!

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By Ga, July 13, 2007 at 7:38 pm Link to this comment

The Ratel (Mellivora capensis), also known as the Honey Badger, is a member of the Mustelidae family. They are distributed throughout most of Africa and western and south Asian areas of Baluchistan (eastern Iran), southern Iraq, Pakistan and Rajasthan (western India).


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By Ga, July 13, 2007 at 7:35 pm Link to this comment

Maybe someone bought ‘em on Amazon for $25 !?!?

The top Google ad:

Honey Badgers at Amazon
Low prices on honey badgers.
Qualified orders over $25 ship free

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By Shandooga, July 13, 2007 at 4:38 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Well, if the army says they didn’t do it, you’d damn well better believe they did.

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By WykydRed, July 13, 2007 at 2:42 pm Link to this comment

Man-eating badgers?!?!?! Well, at least the women are safe.

Knowing the military penchant for naming things, I have to wonder if the Brits actually would make up a name for releasing man-eating badgers. Probably be something like “Operation Fat Fred”.

The American side already took “Operation Over The Rainbow” for their gay bomb…

(Did anyone actually believe this story would produce serious comments?)

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By mike, July 13, 2007 at 1:09 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

It’s really a stoat no wait maybe a weasel ????

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By Schizo, July 13, 2007 at 12:35 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

They should have said “Yes, we released man-eating badgers.  If they do not solve the insurgent problem, we shall next release man-raping orangutans”

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By WykydRed, July 13, 2007 at 11:16 am Link to this comment

Bukko? You kill me! Honestly. Gotta run and change my panties.

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By Can of Whoop Ass, July 13, 2007 at 9:09 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Bush is looking into releasing killer tomatos ever since he saw the movie of the same name after a couple of joints with Jeb in Flarduh, 2002.
<Tee Hee>.

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By nefertiti, July 13, 2007 at 8:16 am Link to this comment

The reason they must have assumed that , was because of the people of Basra are NOT used to that animal with huge claws . it is not familiar to the people in that area , may have travelled a long way .

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By minamoto no taira, July 13, 2007 at 7:32 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

I would ask that one be released in the Whitehouse, but it might harm Barney and I wouldn’t want that.

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By WykydRed, July 13, 2007 at 1:03 am Link to this comment

Man-eating badgers??? Aw c’mon! A badger can’t eat a man. Well, not all at once!

And the Brits need the badger heads for their sporrans! They would NEVER just give them away! Sheesh.

Badger Badger Badger

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By Bukko in Australia, July 12, 2007 at 8:32 pm Link to this comment


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By QuyTran, July 12, 2007 at 7:57 pm Link to this comment

They didn’t unleash man-eating badgers because they’re all of them ! Sorry.

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