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Ear to the Ground

The Lighter Side of Torture

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Posted on Sep 29, 2006

While we wait for the Supreme Court to invalidate Bush’s torture law, we offer up a little satire on the issue. In this piece, a Nation writer re-imagines our new Military Commissions Act.

On the outsourcing of torture:

“No prisoner shall be transferred into the custody of a foreign government unless a determination has been made, by the relevant agency, that such prisoner cannot be tortured perfectly well by an American.”


The Nation:

ACTIONS WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT CONSTITUTE VIOLATIONS OF THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS EVEN BY AMERICAN STANDARDS.

(A) INDUCED HYPOTHERMIA—No prisoner shall be kept for a period exceeding forty-eight (48) hours at a temperature below that of the meat locker of a Safeway, Stop & Shop, or other major supermarket chain, and doused with cold water at a frequency greater than twice per hour, unless permitted to wear appropriate clothing.
(i) For the purposes of paragraph (A), “appropriate clothing” shall be defined as follows: (a) For male prisoners, thong panties and strapless brassieres, or, in the case of low-value suspects, teddies; (b) for female prisoners, cowboy boots.

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By iristhevirus, December 18, 2006 at 4:36 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Our whole society is collapsing thanks to our demon government.  It is too far gone to repair now, and everyone is wondering what can be done…Perhaps we need to act on bringing these criminals to their final showdown - We, the people, in order to form a more perfect union for the good of all mankind need to visit Washington D.C. EN MASS and take care of business!  These critters of the cabal will have their day in court to try and prove that they have upheld the Constitution and never lied or ripped off the American people to carry out their self-serving devious agenda on so many innocent people around the world.

    Justice can be swift and healing because the tables are already turning and (just us) can hold these crooks to answer for their crimes against humanity.  Of course, we have to give them all a dose of what they’ve been serving at the last supper, in the overcrowded jails and detention camps, here and there…around the world - no rights, no counsel, no mercy—-just some some good old-fashioned torture, interrogation, shock, drown and watch them shake.  Come clean now.  A catharsis of the senses would take place and purify the putrid White House, and just think - we might even gain some respect back from the rest of the world! Let the healing begin…

Report this

By iristhevirus, December 18, 2006 at 4:34 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Our whole society is collapsing thanks to our demon government.  It is too far gone to repair now, and everyone is wondering what can be done…Perhaps we need to act on bringing these criminals to their final showdown - We, the people, in order to form a more perfect union for the good of all mankind need to visit Washington D.C. EN MASS and take care of business!  These critters of the cabal will have their day in court to try and prove that they have upheld the Constitution and never lied or ripped off the American people to carry out their self-serving devious agenda on so many innocent people around the world.

    Justice can be swift and healing because the tables are already turning and (just us) can hold these crooks to answer for their crimes against humanity.  Of course, we have to give them all a dose of what they’ve been serving at the last supper, in the overcrowded jails and detention camps, here and there…around the world - no rights, no counsel, no mercy—-just some some good old-fashioned torture, interrogation, shock, drown and watch them shake.  Come clean now.  A catharsis of the senses would take place and purify the putrid White House, and just think -
we might even gain some respect back from the rest of the world!  Let the healing begin…

Report this

By lorraine jackson, September 30, 2006 at 5:00 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Going through the detainment experience themselves—-Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Condi, Rove and Ashcroft…and let’s not forget our favorite judges, senators and Congressmen, prosecutors and law enforcement would be a hands-on learning experience and a new adventure.

    What a delightful idea!   
I can see ole dead-eye Dick down on all fours with a doggie collar and a couple of shockers to help him get it up!  Condi will get the water torture right out of the CIA manual, and George W. will be given a royal placement in the Hole.  Habeus Who? This type of sensitivity training should be mandatory for all policy makers, jail caretakers and law enforcemnet personnel.

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