O Lord, Send Me Guidance on This Dildo…
Posted on Aug 18, 2006
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| From Book22.com |
These and other fine items are for sale at the Christian-themed sex toy website, Book22.com.
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In what appears to be a first, an Oregon couple has set up a Christian-themed sex toy website for married pairs only. The “about” page is unintentionally hilarious. It reads in part:
We have prayed every step of the way for guidance on what products to offer on this site.
What’s that you say, O’ Lord? The grape-flavored anal lube? Or the edible crotchless panties?
About.com:
[N]iche marketing of adult toys has entered a new era with the launch of Book22.com. The site, owned and operated by Joy and Kevin Wilson, is courting what could potentially be the largest niche market in the U.S.; married Christians.
If you were to get to Book22 without seeing the home page, it would probably remind you of any number of home grown sex toy websites. The selection is small, the majority of products are mass manufactured and of basic (read: poor) quality, and the user interface is clunky, but passable. What distinguishes Book22 is not the inventory; it’s the intention of the owners, and the explicit linking of religious faith to business practice.
Link
From the Book22 website:
It is our company’s policy that the products we sell be purchased for married couples only. As explained in the book of Genesis, God created woman from man’s flesh and bone to be his companion. In so doing, he illustrated that in marriage man and woman symbolically become one flesh. A common theme throughout the Bible is sexual purity. One example of this can be found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, “For God wants you to be holy and pure and to keep clear of sexual sin so that each of you will marry in holiness and honor.” We want to encourage God’s plan for people to remain sexually pure, that is why we offer our products to married couples only.
Book22 is owned and operated by Kevin and Joy Wilson. We are a Christian couple who have been married for over 11 years now. We have prayed every step of the way for guidance on what products to offer on this site. The Special Order page and many of the products we sell came about by couples sharing their hearts and issues with us. We found that we were naive about different people’s sexual hurdles and impairments.
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Jump to Comments
By dildos, June 10 at 3:04 am #
When I purchase toys in my favorite store, I don’t need any guidance, cause shop assistant is my best guide in the world of adult entertainment. I wish you such qualified consultants everywhere!
Report thisBy dildos, June 9 at 2:42 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
I absolutely agree. Today only in a few online sex shops you could purchase a toy comfortably. I wish in webspace would appear more customer-friendly sites.
Report thisBy Gazzer, August 25, 2006 at 8:10 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
WWJD?
Who Would Jesus Dildo?
I wonder if they’re affiliated with http://www.divine-interventions.com
Report thisBy Bukko in Australia, August 21, 2006 at 9:35 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Yes Collin, it’s hateful to disparage oppressed minority groups. But when it disparages hypocritical, hornier-than-thou Christofascists, it’s HILARIOUS!
Report thisBy mondo, August 20, 2006 at 5:55 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
God bless you Kevin and Joy!
We are a married gay couple in a) Massachusetts b) Spain c)Canada. We are looking for hot sex toys to rock our queer and legal marriage covenant. What do you suggest?
Report thisBy Rimaroka, August 19, 2006 at 9:11 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
Did you go ahead with the order? Perhaps give us a personal review of the products. Heh.
Report thisBy Broiler, August 19, 2006 at 12:20 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
“Oh honey! That John the Baptist, ribbed, remote
controlled, vibrating, self lubing anal probe
you ordered is here!”
What more can I say?
Well, lots. A whole lot. I just don’t have
enough time in my life to do this one justice.
I’m going to the site right now.
Maybe they carry “blessed ben wa balls”!
How about an inflatable Virgin Mary?
It all makes sense. This is why people
Report thissay “oh, God, oh, God!” during sex.
This is an epiphany!
By C Quil, August 19, 2006 at 7:30 am #
(Unregistered commenter)
Good name - Joy Wilson. Is that a new name she gave herself after discovering “marital aids”?
The coming of age of christoporn. Mind you, they wouldn’t be the first to be shafted by religion.
Report thisBy Collin, August 18, 2006 at 6:07 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
And if it was to disparage
Jews
Black
Homosexuals
it would be a hate crime. No?
Collin
http://www.evangelicalperspective.blogspot.com
Report thisBy Atheista, August 18, 2006 at 4:49 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I hope this site is frequented by many christians and that other christians develop similar websites for sex toys and pornography so that they can all wallow publicly in their hypocrisy. The more these things become common-place among christians, the less they will harass the rest of us about it.
Report thisBy Linda Tomassi, August 18, 2006 at 4:39 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
What would Jesus order?
Report thisBy R. A. Earl, August 18, 2006 at 4:04 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
I’ll comment if & when I stop laughing so hard. This is absolutely hilarious!
Report thisBy lifewriter, August 18, 2006 at 3:18 pm #
(Unregistered commenter)
This website really proves a couple of very important points about the way Christians posit their beliefs, sugar coated with catch phrases like “praying on” this and that in order to make the right decision – oddly close to “preying on”, mind you – and the other more fiscally esoteric notion that only married couples might truly be able to enjoy a vibrating “2 Touch Bunny.”
Well, I had to go look around. They’ve got a fantastic assortment of “Edibles,” though nothing – absolutely NOTHING – about the body of Christ. One would think that being so close to His Holiness might afford at least some props tossed up to El Jesus… no such luck. Not even a mention about the likely bulbous manhood of Samson, or perhaps some odd account about what freak in bed he must have been to be so willing to “eat honey out of a lion carcass.”
So with Book22’s virtues in mind, I did a little shopping, and assembled a cart full of goodies, some of which included the aforementioned Bunny, an Elastomer Ring, and what trip to the Holy Den of Sin would be complete without a Turbo 8 Accelerator, something to read the Psalms by, right? Not mine, my friend, not mine.
Registered, gave away my personal info, and offered to pay by check. Now, here’s the important part, this is where you listen closely to the words that you’re sounding out right now: Nowhere within the entire purchasing process is a “Marital Status” widget that allows one to select from Married, Single, Divorced, etc. Nowhere in Book22’s Mission Statement do they state that they actually enforce the commandments put forth on that page. Apparently, some cock chugging homo’s money is just as good as Gladys’ when it comes time to buy butt plugs. And there’s the rub. All that banter, all the prying, and praying, and preying on all their friends and family, and at the end of the day, these muthafuckas don’t give a rat’s ass about who’s buying. But they will, if they deem it necessary, put a Jesus sticker over the lewd shot of Candy Assmunch accepting 3 devices simultaneously…apparently married or not, Christian or not, madame Candy is likely not having the kind of wholesome fun that you’re likely to want to see…I just wonder how many of those stickers actually stay on once the double-bagged poonanay penetrator’s been delivered.
Anybody for Badminton?
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