A Satirical Broadside at China’s Employers

Posted on May 29, 2006

From The Onion

According to The Onion, “Initial response among female workers has been positive, with most women preferring the new rule over the old one, which stipulated that the newborn child must remain where it lands on the floor until the woman’s shift ends.”

The Onion reports on an “unpaid 15-minute break during the regular 18-hour workday, to allow pregnant women to ‘expel the child from their body, adjust to being a new parent, wash their hands, and return to work.’ ”

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The Onion:

DONGGUAN, CHINA—In response to international criticism of Chinese workplace inequity and labor rights, China’s National Labor Committee agreed Monday to establish an unpaid 15-minute break during the regular 18-hour workday, to allow pregnant women to “expel the child from their body, adjust to being a new parent, wash their hands, and return to work.”
Chinese workers

Workers silently celebrate the new guidelines during a company-sanctioned “moment of appreciation.”

“During the last moments of childbirth, a female employee’s productivity diminishes sharply,” said Shanghai toy-factory owner Huang Wei, who noted that even the slightest whimper of pain or sight of a newborn’s head as it crowns can distract an entire assembly line from the job at hand. “These women need a few minutes to rest and recuperate before returning to sew eyes onto stuffed animals in an efficient and satisfactory manner.”

“Of course, this measure wouldn’t need to be taken at all if pregnant workers could schedule their due dates for the annual holiday of May 1,” Huang added.

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