Bush Considering Exit Strategy for War on Obesity

Posted on Mar 3, 2006

By Andy Borowitz

With the war on obesity grinding on with no end in sight, President George W. Bush is reportedly considering an exit strategy that would see the United States withdrawing from the fat fight before the 2006 midterm elections, aides confirmed today.

According to the strategy being mulled, President Bush would simply declare victory over obesity and announce a plan to withdraw most low-carb products from supermarket shelves by the end of 2006.

The plan has been hailed by Republican lawmakers who are worried that the war on obesity has turned into a quagmire that could spoil their chances for victory in November.

When the president first announced the war on obesity, he had widespread support among American voters, many of whom believed that victory over America’s bulging waistlines would be swift, easy and painless.

But with the steady drumbeat of bad news from the war on obesity, including recent data showing that over one-third of Americans are obese, the White House has apparently decided that it has become time to cut and run.

“You can expect the White House to point out certain success stories like Kirstie Alley and then proclaim victory,” says Davis Logsdon, an expert in the politics of obesity at the University of Minnesota.

But Logsdon has one caveat regarding the White House’s proposed exit strategy: “When someone in the administration finally does announce victory in the war on obesity, it probably shouldn’t be Cheney.”

Elsewhere, to enable the 78th Academy Awards ceremonies to conclude in a timely fashion, this Sunday’s Oscar telecast will begin on Saturday morning.

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