How did Andrew McIntosh go from having thoughts like “How will people remember me after I take this bottle of pills so I can just die and no one will ever know I’m gay?” to being a cheerful out-of-the-closet, lacrosse captain? Things started to turn around for the college athlete, he says, after he saw the movie “Milk.”
It helps that McIntosh’s coach would have been happy to sack half the team if other players turned out to be intolerant.
Andrew McIntosh in OutSports:
I remembered the first time I tried to kill myself, after I lost a football game in high school. I thought I should have just hanged myself then and I wouldn’t be dealing with any of these problems… Why I am in love with my best friend Mike?... Why don’t I love some girl like the rest of my friends?... Why couldn’t I just be like everyone else?
It was in the midst of those thoughts that I watched the movie “Milk.” It was the first time I realized that there are other people out there who are closeted and do not want to live. There are people like me. And it was then that I began to wonder: Are there other gay athletes too?
The next day I decided to tell someone I’m gay, and I settled on one of my best friends from home.