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Posted on Dec 2, 2011
Mr. Fish

By Mr. Fish

(Page 3)

Back in the summer of 1982 I asked my mother if we had any Jewish ancestors. She was making a grilled cheese sandwich using Velveeta, Land O’Lakes butter and Wonder bread at the time, the question no less crazy than if I’d asked an Eskimo if he had a surfing gene. I was probably wearing the yarmulke that my high school art teacher, Mr. Applebaum, had given to me and holding “Gates of Mitzvah: A Guide to the Jewish Life Cycle” by Simeon J. Maslin, which I’d gotten for Christmas.

“Not by blood,” she said, “but definitely by punch line.” Then she told the parable of Benjamin J. Holtzhacker and the Captive Audience.

When my mother was in the second grade back in 1951, her teacher took some time before winter break to go around the room and ask her students to take turns naming a favorite holiday tradition that they enjoyed with their families. This was in early December and the classroom was done up gaily in silver tinsel and pipe cleaner candy canes and cardboard Santas. Little Billy loved watching a model train circle the base of his Christmas tree while blowing real smoke. Margo felt like a Yuletide queen sitting atop her father’s shoulders while her family caroled with members of their church congregation through the center of town. “How are Christmas trees and black men alike?” asked my mother when it was her turn, momentarily freezing the forward momentum of the class activity.

“I beg your pardon?” said her teacher, trying to fit the non sequitur into a nonexistent slot in her head.

“How are Christmas trees and black men alike?” asked my mother for a second time, her face as bright as a freshly halved onion. Nobody said a word. “They both have colored balls!” shouted my mother, turning to wink at Benjamin J. Holtzhacker who had told her the joke and was hiding his head in the back row. My grandmother was promptly telephoned and my mother was sent home as if she’d suddenly come down with communism and was in danger of infecting the entire school population.

Then, in mid-September of 1982, the Israeli army surrounded the Sabra and Shatila Palestinian refugee camps in Beirut and made it impossible for anybody to leave. Then it gave the green light to the Christian Lebanese Phalangists to enter the camps at night and, beneath the incandescent light cast from a thousand Israeli flares, to massacre upward of 3,000 people inside. Then I decided, for the sake of saving mine and Moses’ and Sid Caesar’s and Lenny Bruce’s and Mort Sahl’s and Noam Chomsky’s and Susan Sontag’s and Gloria Steinem’s and Naomi Klein’s and Sarah Silverman’s people from succumbing to the derogation of a negative stereotype, that the State of Israel and the spiritual integrity of Judaism were two completely different things.

“You don’t look 21,” said Derek, as I was about to get on the train bound for New York, just as the breeze blew back my hair revealing that I’d shaved my hairline back 2 inches from my forehead. “You don’t look any older—you look like somebody who’s lost a bet!”

“It’s a comedy club,” I said, reassuring him, “it’ll be too dark to see how old I am.”

“You’ll be standing in a fucking spotlight, you jackass!” he reminded me, making me recall a quote by Mark Twain. 

If God had meant for us to be naked, we’d have been born that way.

Three hours later, I took the stage, squinting hard beneath a light bright enough to suggest interrogation, and did my best to assimilate into the questionable murkiness of my own intentions to find and hold an audience captive. 

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By heterochromatic, December 7, 2011 at 9:37 am Link to this comment

balkas~~~~~ are “sephardo-ashkenazic people [s] are in
control of” you?
or is it just gas?

Report this

By balkas, December 7, 2011 at 9:24 am Link to this comment

in palestina, since ca ‘49, shemites [mostly] are killing shemites. the true jews
and/or hebrews appear to be the shemites which for ca 2-3k yrs and until ‘49 lived
in iraq, magreb countries, egypt, syria, yemen, lebanon.

people called palestinians are descendants of ancient canaanites or hamites,
hebrews, hittites, nabateans, arameans. all of these peoples or tribes where
descendants of noah’s two sons, shem or ham.
what now divides israelites and palestinians is mostly the two cults. and it does not
seem that islamic cult is going to lose the war with talmudic; and much tinier cult.
so, one day israel as a talmudic or judaistic solely state will be destroyed.
expecting this outcome, ashkenazic peoples are not immigrating into this artificial
state and future hell; especially for rabid judaists.
besides sephardo-ashkenazic people [s] are in control of u.s more than any other
ethnos; so why go to tiny, impoverished, much hated a region called israel?
thus, it is an enigma to me why world ‘jewry’ [nonshemitic people] avoids peace in
excanaan—the land of the hebrews-arabs; descendants of shem, noah’s eldest, or
ham, noah’s second son [of course, according to the legend]  tnx

Report this

By vince remus, December 6, 2011 at 5:57 pm Link to this comment

Your article is extremely valuable and truly radical.
An awareness that people who are truly in favor of
social justice must take a stand against bigotry and
racism no matter the target.

The comments to the article are all making good
points relative to the gist of their respective
messages, but how do Israel and Palestine achieve
sustainable peace in the future is the only
discussion that should be taken place if they are to
live peacefully?

Report this

By Jacob, December 6, 2011 at 3:06 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

You “forgot” that Hamas has clearly stated that its objective is the destruction of Israel and the establishment of a Palestinian state, extending from the Mediterranean sea to the Jordan river. 
  You also “forgot” that rocket fire continued even after Israel withdrew from the Gaza Strip to the last inch. If, immediately after Israel left the Gaza Strip, all terror activity from that area ceased. Which means no rocket launching, no weapons smuggling, no efforts to send suicide murderers into Israel then all the crossing points would have remained open, there would have been free merchandise exchange, and thousands of Gazans would have been able to work in Israel. This would have made the Gaza economy much stronger and made further Israeli withdrawals from the West Bank much easier.

However, as you are supposed to know, the Palestinians chose to continue their war of terror and continued to fire rockets at Israeli towns and villages on a daily basis. And of course you know that the residents there have 15 seconds to reach shelter from the moment the alarm sound. Imagine the feeling of a mother, who has children at school, when the alarm sounds.
  You should read the Geneva Convention, which states in Part III, Section I, Article 28: “The presence of a protected person may not be used to render certain points or areas immune from military operations.” This means that when the Hamas combatants fire their weapons and hide among civilians, they are not immune from attack. Also, if civilians get hurt, the responsibility lies with those who hide among civilians and endanger their lives.
As long as the Palestinian terrorists continue with their war, Israel will do its best to protect its citizens, whether you like it or not.

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By kazy, December 5, 2011 at 7:24 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

@Lockwood “Contrary to what the article says… it is the lack of critical self analysis that continuously lands Jews in trouble.  He believes Israel’s behavior and the behavior of the powerful lobbies that act on its behalf (like AIPAC in the USA and similar powerful organizations in every western country) risk a huge backlash.”

So that’s the reason why Jews are always in trouble - because they’re not self analytical enough because if they were more self critical, they wouldn’t be in trouble all the time and there would be no antisemitism - or less of it? Wow!! Who knew? Do you really believe that? That’s amazing. First of all, the above reference of Jewish Lobbyists and Israeli policy has no more to do with being a Jew than those brutal African dictators have in being black or American policy makers who are Christians. We sure do go out of our way to separate Islam and Muslims from their brutal dictators and their violent regimes. But Jews? Not so much. I think if you really want to find a common denominator in the brutality and greed and destruction that exists in this world try looking at the gender: MEN. They’re all men and I think we should round them all up and lock them away and we would see a lot of the world’s problems lessen. It’s funny that no one attacks that very glaring culprit. Secondly, you don’t hang around a lot of Jews it seems. Never was their a group of people that questions EVERYTHING - even God’s motivation for doing the stupid things he does sometimes. Try reading just a bit of the Talmud and then tell me Jews don’t engage in an excessive amount of critical self analysis to the point where you want to blow your brains out. I think that there’s something a bit more behind Jews getting into “trouble” than meets the eye here, that perhaps you and this Gilad guy seem to think that Jewish people bring about their own destruction, that they cause others to hate them. I think that’s what you’re trying to say. That there’s something inherently not likable about Jewish people. I think you have maybe a love/hate relationship with Jewish people. Or maybe just a hate relationship.

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By balkas, December 4, 2011 at 10:28 am Link to this comment

and the people holding a sign supporting murder of 1k shemites were
selves shemitic???
and most supporters of the those shemitic butchers were nonshemitic
[or nonsemitic christians] and nonshemitic [but semitic]
talmudists/mosheists.

it seems that euro-asians with the mosheic cult believe that noah had
four sons and not just three and that the oldest and most important was
sem and shem.
arabs stemming from shem and the ashkenazim from sem; thus are
semites and i am antisemitic for saying this. good, anything—just don’t
call me an antishemite—thank u.

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M Henri Day's avatar

By M Henri Day, December 3, 2011 at 10:31 am Link to this comment

I note, «heterochromatic», that you share «EmileZ»‘s interest in a certain part of the human anatomy (perhaps you share the pseudonyms as well ?) and his/her lack of discretion in making said interest a matter of public knowledge. Good on ya - do keep on trying !...

Henri

Report this

By John Poole, December 3, 2011 at 9:29 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Speaking truth to power:  America’s epithat:

What a tragedy for all humans that the the little boy along the parade route in a
distant land watching King America roll past had to be a “raghead” kid wearing a
suicide vest. Are the “homelanders” listening?

Mr Fish was the little kid we should have listened to years ago.
PS. No! I don’t know him or wish he was my son or cousin.

Report this
M Henri Day's avatar

By M Henri Day, December 3, 2011 at 4:30 am Link to this comment

With a grandmother like that, one can’t go wrong (I say, before realising that your brother Jeff shared her with you)....

Henri

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By heterochromatic, December 2, 2011 at 7:09 pm Link to this comment

Nobody who ever attended Rutgers would be eating Velveeta rather than Cheeze
Whiz!!!

Report this

By Lockweed, December 2, 2011 at 6:59 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

There is a new book out by the Israeli-Briton Gilad Atzmon.  Atzmon served in the Israeli army in 1982 and after his experiences became a critic of Israel.  He is a popular Jazz musician and interesting (and controversial) writer.

Contrary to what the article says, “Judaism, on the other hand…seemed to thrive on a tradition of critical self-analysis as opposed to the self-glorification of Technicolored Anglo-Saxonism”, Atzmon believes it is the lack of critical self analysis that continuously lands Jews in trouble.  He believes Israel’s behavior and the behavior of the powerful lobbies that act on its behalf (like AIPAC in the USA and similar powerful organizations in every western country) risk a huge backlash. 

His book is called “The Wandering Who?”.  Its criticism of separateness and chosen-ness (the “Chosen People”) appears to be a major part of the book.  I haven’t read his book, but I plan to do so.

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EmileZ's avatar

By EmileZ, December 2, 2011 at 6:34 pm Link to this comment

A giraffe walks into a bar and says…

“The highballs are on me!!!”

Get it???

Get it???

(“Hat tip” to Steve Albini)

Gandhi’s version of non-violent tactics was so extreme that it was in fact incredibly violent.

He expected his followers to “walk smilingly in to a barrage of machine gun fire” (I don’t remember the exact quote, but words to that effect), and viewed their deaths as a cause for celebration. He sent letters to their families congratulating them when someone was killed.

For him, I suppose, after the first mass-murder or two, there was no going back.

He also said that if you don’t have the “moral courage” to use non-violent tactics, it is your duty to employ others in the face of tyranny and oppression, including violence, and to do otherwise is to be less than human.

(“Hat tip” to Norman G. Finkelstein)

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