By Larry Beinhart
Why We Have to Care
There’s a war in Afghanistan and one in Iraq,
but what’s important is who has crawled into whose sack.
In underground bunkers they’re building nukes in Iran
while American journalists connect the weiner to the man,
they trot out psychologists and experts to explain
why a man having sex can’t be considered quite sane,
that some strange aberration must have affected his brain
And he must check into rehab to abolish the stain.
This includes the presumption that it all runs one way
That no woman would ever want some man to stray.
No woman would stalk, seduce, entice and display
Flirt, flutter, vamp and sashay, until some poor dick comes out to play.
Women must be the victims because they are coming from Venus
while men are from Mars so it’s clearly the fault of the penis.
How should we get energy? Who can figure that out?
Climate change, global warming, what that’s really about?
That’s one of those issues that’s way too complex,
aren’t you glad we’re clear about who shouldn’t have sex.
Who can fix the economy, correct the financial mess?
It’s marital fidelity that predicts who will have success.
You wouldn’t let a plumber fix the pipes in your house
if you knew he had been with someone who wasn’t his spouse.
You wouldn’t let a mechanic change the brakes on your car
if you knew with some girl he’d gone a little too far.
You would never let a surgeon cut into your abdomen
Unless you were certain he was too pure to sin.
There Is a Solution
This needs to be solved, this needs a real fix.
We need a new combination, we need a new mix
to save the world from men getting their kicks,
and the news media full of nothing but pricks
To find a solution, one that really will work
we must go back to the way of the Ottoman Turk.
With a powerful empire, so rich, wide and vast,
they needed to invent a special political caste.
Call them castratos, you may call them eunuchs
Either way they were men without working dicks.
That’s what we must do with all our political men
Geld them, deball them, leave their crotches like Ken
When a politician takes his pants off, no one will yell
he’ll be nice, smooth and round, like a doll from Mattel.
This will in no way inhibit or limit our political classes
They will still be able to talk out of their asses.
We are already ruled by the confused and the witless
it can’t be any worse if they’re also made dickless.