By Larry Beinhart
Once again a weiner has been rubbed in our face.
Yes, a political penis has escaped from its place.
It’s a scandal, an outrage, an erectile disgrace,
this tale of a penis caught so far from its base.
Yes, it’s happened again, as it happened before,
a wandering penis off in search of some more.
Now the pundits swarm their packs to deplore
the politician who is caught while trying to score.
Clinton was my favorite I readily confess,
Monica’s kneepads and the stain on her dress.
John Ensign so moral and so very pro-life,
paid his aide very well for the use of his wife.
Larry Craig taught us all an obscure Midwest dance,
the one whose first step is called a wide stance.
Mark Sanford cried tears after he’d seen her.
That was his soul mate down in Argentina.
Chris Lee trolled topless in the maze of Craig’s list,
and now he’s gone, but not at all missed.
John Edwards had a sordid and tragic affair,
a videographer fell in love with his hair.
Eliot Spitzer paid more than we knew a man could.
Is there really a hooker who can do it that good?
Eric Massa did something very hard to believe,
tickled a staffer “till he couldn’t breathe.”
Then to make sure his train was truly a wreck,
he went and explained it, out loud, on Glenn Beck.
Mark Foley’s fame will roll down through the ages
as the first man to be caught sexting his pages.
David Vitter represents Southern tradition,
going with hookers then showing contrition.
Clarence Thomas deserves his very own joke,
for placing a pubic hair on the can of a Coke.
Why? Oh Why?
Is it the fault of the liberals, the hippies, the Jews?
Repression, recession, the fault of the news?
Could we have avoided all of these dreadful disasters,
if we listened to our priests and heeded our pastors?
That sounds oh, very right, but actually it worse is,
pedophiles so often make their perches in churches.
And powerful preachers so very often lose their way
coming out of the closet they’ve been in being gay.
The strict teaching of religion, to everyone’s great sorrow,
didn’t work yesterday and it won’t work tomorrow.