‘Get Rich Cheating,’ Part 2

Posted on Jun 10, 2009

Harper Paperbacks

Jeff Kreisler

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“Get Rich Cheating,” Excerpt 2:

Chapter 22 Private Cash

If you’ve followed any of my recommendations, it’s safe to say you’ve been bad, but shhhhh, don’t say a word. What you tell the public—and how—will go a long way toward determining how rich you can cheat (and how long you remain free). You may not like to deal with “people,” but “people” are your customers, investors, employees, investigators, readers, audience, and fans. You need to control what they think, feel, and believe.

Image Is Everything
  Did you know Donald Trump is a marginally successful real estate mogul who’s gone through bankruptcies and business controversy? Of course not. You think he’s a winner, a TV show host, trophy-wife gatherer, and tester of futuristic outer space hair pieces. Why? Because that’s what he tells us he is—that’s the image he self-promotes. He knows people only register the superficial stuff. If he acts like a winner all the time, we’ll have no choice but to believe him, give him money to be part of the action, or get out of the way. Perception is reality for this Great Cheater. He has everyone beat before they even begin to play.
  A Great Cheater distracts people from his lack of substance with attitude, presence, and style. Look the part. That’s all you need to do. Create your own aura of success and accomplishment. Tell others you’re great, and eventually they’ll believe it. Make yourself an icon.
  Steven Schwarzman, head of Blackstone, arrives by helicopter, even when driving’s easier. “You have to make an impression. ‘If you want my time, I’m so valuable, this is how I travel.’ ”¹ You gotta flaunt it. Gary Milby, head of MidAmerica Energy, threw a party for his daughter that was broadcast on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16. It had horse-drawn carriages, a faux castle, and helicopters. Never mind that he’d offered investors fraudulent shares in energy partnerships and that the broadcast got regulators all over him—he looked good. And everybody wants to get with someone who looks good.
  For entertainers, this has never been easier. Celebrity news is an exploding market, providing sustenance to soulless paparazzi around the world. A lot of these photographers and reporters came from families who could barely afford a Polaroid. Don’t let them down. Exploit their niche. TMZ, The Enquirer, The Insider, Crotch-Shots Weekly ... these enhance your worth as a human commodity. Pursue them. Bad publicity is the best. A sex scandal? A few million. A sex and drug scandal? A few million more. A scandal with sex, drugs, and elected officials? Priceless.
What does Paris Hilton do again? Nothing. But she’s making gobs of money because she’s got an image, a public presence. Kim Kardashian, Carson Kressley, whoever else is on Bravo and VH1? Besides a diddle-exposing sex tape, they don’t do diddly, are probably signs of an imminent apocalypse, aren’t substantially adding to the world, but are worth jillions. They’re walking, talking, rich, cheating hype machines.
  Barack Obama made himself a rock star by combining hype with hope. Can’t deny hope. Who doesn’t like hope? No one ... except all those who didn’t think of turning it into a billion-dollar campaign—and trillion-dollar presidency—first.
Should your image even remotely reflect your actual essence? HA! George W. Bush campaigned as an everyman, a blue-collar schlub, even though he’s really a prep-school, Ivy-educated frat boy who lived on a vacation ranch bought with oil money attained with family connections, and, more obviously, was the only one in his family with a Texas accent, even though he was born in Connecticut ... and it got thicker the longer he lived in D.C.! It’s like he graduated from Yale with a degree in Talking Like a Toothless Banjo Player.
Unless you want someone else to yell, “You’re fired!” from beneath a helmet of hair, consider these additional cheater image-enhancing techniques:
    • Get your name plastered on worthy causes. Abercrombie & Fitch got a Columbus trauma center named after it for $10 million. Sure, A&F caused the trauma by forcing kids to pursue an unattainable Aryan body image, but shhhhh. Nationwide Insurance named a children’s hospital for $50 million, and now kids can see who’s denying their health coverage right there in the hospital. That’s efficient and deceptive.
    • Pay attractive women to spend time with you. It will look like you’ve earned it. Chances are, if you’re reading this book, you’re no looker.
    • Act bored. It gives you an air of authority, a presence that says nothing can faze you. Oh, I just lost $10 million? Whatever. I don’t care, ten million’s not that important to me.
    • Repeat something enough times, eventually it becomes true.
    • Repeat something enough times, eventually it becomes true.
    • Repeat something enough times, eventually ...

Just remember: Honesty is the best policy only if you do not want to Get Rich Cheating.

 

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