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Green Eggs and Glam

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Posted on Apr 17, 2008
book cover

Charlie Baker-Boyd

Dr. Seuss has some new competition. Dr. Michael Salzhauer is a Florida plastic surgeon who has swapped his scalpel for a typewriter. His debut work, “My Beautiful Mommy,” attempts to educate the children of plastic surgery patients about tummy tucks, breast enhancements and nose jobs.

The story is told through the eyes of a little girl whose mother has a crooked nose and loose tummy. After mommy informs her that she won’t look the same after the operations, the little girl asks, “Why are you going to look different?” Mommy responds: “Not just different, my dear—prettier!”

The good doctor said that since so many moms brought their children to his office, he felt the need to provide a vehicle of explaining a mother’s desire for plastic surgery, recuperation and changed physical appearance.

“There are people who are going to read this and say ‘You’re indoctrinating kids and idealizing beauty.’ That’s not the intention of the book at all,” said Salzhauer.


USA Today:

Illustrations show a crook-nosed mom with loose tummy skin under her half shirt picking up her young daughter early from school one day and taking her to a strapping and handsome “Dr. Michael.”

Mom explains she is going to have operations on her nose and tummy and may have to take it easy for a week or so. The girl asks if the operations will hurt, and mom replies, “Maybe a little,” warning she will look different after the bandages come off.

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By hippy pam, May 4, 2008 at 5:06 pm Link to this comment

Oh My-Does this mean that-at 60 years old-with sags and wrinkles-NO ONE WILL LOVE ME[this assumes I want/need the APPROVAL of some one to JUSTIFY MY EXISTANCE…...AS LONG AS I LOVE ME I AM JUST FINE…

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By independent, April 20, 2008 at 9:26 pm Link to this comment

Scary enough, the real news seems to be replaying old Onion stories more and more often…must be a sign of the apocalypse or something.

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By Dr. Knowitall, PhD, PhD, April 20, 2008 at 4:48 am Link to this comment

I don’t think “consenting adults” is the point here.  It’s about poisoning the minds of little children, which seems to be the favorite pastime of adults.

This is just one little example of why civilization makes no progress.

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By Pierce R. Butler, April 19, 2008 at 5:59 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Publishing professional Teresa Nielsen-Hayden comments on the Newsweek item allegedly igniting this story at -

You’d think that somewhere in those three pages of titillating handwringing, Springen would have gotten round to mentioning that My Beautiful Mommy is a self-published vanity-press book available only from its “publisher”—or, presumably, from Dr. Michael Salzhauer. ... If it weren’t for Karen Springen’s article, the book would have no more significance, and get no more notice, than a xeroxed handout from your local GP.

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By Larifte, April 19, 2008 at 12:40 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Not only is that retarded, it’s not even original:

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By needless information, April 19, 2008 at 9:11 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Just talk to the child and explain why you are having the surgery, like you will when he/she is curious about sex. You don’t need a sugar sparkle book to do your job of parenting.

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By Inherit The Wind, April 18, 2008 at 7:22 pm Link to this comment

Hey! What happened to “Consenting Adults”?  If people willingly want to have themselves sliced up and re-constructed, why is that anyone else’s business?

I may think it’s stupid and sick, and you may think it’s stupid and sick, and writing a children’s book about it may be bizarre—but why is it any more bizarre than insisting that you can teach your kids that the universe was created in 6 days?  That evolution is “evil-ution” and that science is all wrong because it disagrees with a book written by desert-dwellers 3000 years ago?

What’s the difference other than this is newer? Women and men punch holes and hang jewelery in their ears, noses, navels, eyebrows, nipples, tongues and genitals all in the name of beauty. In Seattle last summer I saw a middle-aged biker type with a bone through his septum.

So it’s a high-tech version of the same thing.  Not for me to judge—just so long as it’s happily consenting adults and I don’t have to pay for it.

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By cyrena, April 18, 2008 at 4:13 pm Link to this comment

“...and needs to be altered to meet some impossible standard that only a select few in the general population can ever hope to achieve (i.e., models, movie stars, etc.)...


I’m with purple girl. I don’t hope to achieve anything that requires plastic surgery. So, the ‘standards’ aren’t ‘impossible’ but their perverted and morally corrupt. And I would prefer for models and movie stars to look like the rest of us.

There are actually some legitimate reasons for the skills of a plastic surgeon. They repair cleft-lip/nose and other disfigurements in children and adults. Matter-of-fact, there is a lengthy list of things that medical doctors who specialize in this sort of surgery can and do accomplish. Needless-to-say, that is as far removed from COSMETIC surgery as one can take it.

So, I’m with Doctor Know-it-all as well…some things really SHOULD be subject to censorship.

As for Whacko JackO, my niece tells me that he has to wear a prosthetic nose now, and that it sometimes falls off. Guess that plastic surgery didn’t work out too well for him.

Still jcbrap, I DO get your point and agree. I just wanted to clarify that looking like a model or a movie star isn’t really a ‘standard’ to ‘achieve’.

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By Dr. Knowitall, PhD, PhD, April 18, 2008 at 2:16 pm Link to this comment

Dr. Mike is why censorship is not altogether a bad thing.

The first page should be a photo of Dr. Mike’s anus, after surgery for augmentation.

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By Tony B, April 18, 2008 at 2:13 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Mommy may be pretty on the outside now, but she is still the fractured, sick person she was before on the inside. You can’t fix that with surgery.

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By weather, April 18, 2008 at 8:08 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)


The publisher too is as wounded as the elastic surgeon.

Where there is birth/trauma or disfigurement medical science is at its best,  but to emulate Joan Rivers is simply pitiful.

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By tomack, April 18, 2008 at 7:42 am Link to this comment

Well, Timmy, you’re smelling mommy’s new buttocks. They’re filled with formaldahyde. And that’s what it smells like. Daddy, will it go away? Yes, Timmy, eventually it will. But what’s most important is that mommy has a real fine ass now.

Daddy, will you read me a book tonight? Sure Timmy, and I have just the one. Goodnight Moon, Daddy? No Timmy, the book I’ll read you is called The End Of Innocence. 

By the way, Weather, since plastic surgery is created by man does that mean it is also one of God’s Handy Works? Once removed perhaps? Like war, pestilence, and all other manner of horrors perpetrated on Man Kind?

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By DennisD, April 18, 2008 at 7:37 am Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Look out J.K. Rowling - here comes Salzhauer. I guess his nip & tuck business is a little slow right now. He shouldn’t worry though, narcissism will never go out of style in the USSA.

Don King has it right - Only in America.

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By jcbrap, April 18, 2008 at 6:44 am Link to this comment

The sickness of this is here you have a guy taking advantage of people’s most basic insecurities so he can make more money.

So, instead of teaching kids acceptance and love of all people (especially their mother!) no matter what they look like, this teaches them that the human body is disgusting and needs to be altered to meet some impossible standard that only a select few in the general population can ever hope to achieve (i.e., models, movie stars, etc.)

The whole cosmetic plastic surgery thing is just another road-sign of the corruption and bankrupcy of our society. Way too much emphasis is placed on what people look like on the outside as opposed to who they are inside in terms of their beliefs, morals, standards, etc.

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By Purple Girl, April 18, 2008 at 4:47 am Link to this comment

ARe you kidding -beauty- some of these people look like the went to the Butcher, either from th eincompetency of the ‘surgeon’ or their own addictive behavior.Griffith lots like she got her lips caught in a grinder. JackO appears to have leprosy. Most lok like ventriloquist Dummy’s or Parkinson victims unable to any muscles in their faces.And those are just the ones we SEE. Someone needs to Publish a book with these HORROR Pictures. ‘Why mommy Can’t smile anymore’ or “How mommys Breats Killed her’

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By weather, April 17, 2008 at 5:43 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Do you really think if someone wants to willingly alter God’s handy work, they’ll love themselves more - or be loved more by another?

If those are the motives for cosmetic change the result either way may well fail, because the best change is always on the inside.

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