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Arts and Culture

10 Funniest Jokes From the Fringe

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Posted on Aug 25, 2011
darksida (CC-BY-ND)

The world’s largest arts festival, Edinburgh’s Fringe, is best known for comedy. British humor isn’t for everyone, but if it’s your cup of tea you’ll find this year’s best jokes, as selected by a UKTV channel and the public, below.

If you head over to Dave TV’s website, you can also see the worst jokes. Frankly, it’s hard to tell them apart.

Dave:

Dave’s Top 10 funniest jokes from the Fringe Festival 2011

1. Nick Helm: “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”

2. Tim Vine: “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”

3. Hannibal Buress: “People say ‘I’m taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.”

4. Tim Key: “Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought…once you’ve hired the car…”

5. Matt Kirshen: “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’ So we stopped playing chess.”

6. Sarah Millican: “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”

7. Alan Sharp: “I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure.”

8. Mark Watson: “Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one again, wife.”

9. Andrew Lawrence: “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.”

10. DeAnne Smith: “My friend died doing what he loved… Heroin.”

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By Stavros, August 28, 2011 at 4:43 pm Link to this comment
(Unregistered commenter)

Guy is feeling ill so goes to see a doctor.  The doctor runs some tests then asks him back after a couple of days:

“I’ve got some bad news.  You have cancer and Alzheimer’s”

“Alzheimers!” replies the guy.  “Thank fuck for that. At least I don’t have cancer!”

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By heavyrunner, August 26, 2011 at 12:21 pm Link to this comment

None of those are funny.

Here is a funny one.

Man’s wife goes in for cancer surgery. After several hours the doctor comes out to talk to him.

“Things went well. Your wife will outlive you now. But there were certain problems. We had to cut some nerves, so she will not be able to control her bowels. There will be a constant flow of excrement. And no sex - there will be a continuous stream of a strange fluid from the vagina.”

The husband, understandably, is becoming more and more anxious.

The doctor puts his hand on the man’s shoulder and says, “Don’t worry, everything is going to be just fine. I was only joking - she died!”

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By TDoff, August 26, 2011 at 11:22 am Link to this comment

Things are different across the pond. In the US, there’s a dead-heat tie for the Worst Joke of the Year, between ‘Michele Bachmann’, and ‘Rick Perry’.

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