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by Andy Borowitz

 
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Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz is a political humorist, TV commentator and the man behind the news parody website The Borowitz Report. Borowitz, a Cleveland native, created the smash TV comedy The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, appears on CNN’s American Morning and NPR’s Morning Edition and writes for The New Yorker and...

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Most Recent

Three Things to Do When Clarence Thomas’ Wife Calls You

Like many Americans, over the past several years I have been the recipient of multiple unwelcome voice mails from the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

Posted on Oct 24, 2010


Existence of Tea Party Candidates Casts Doubt on Evolution

Two of the theory of evolution’s most vociferous doubters, Sarah Palin and Christine O’Donnell, may be living proof that Darwin was wrong, leading scientists believe.

Posted on Oct 17, 2010


Karzai to Take His Talents to Minneapolis

In a three-way swap that may be unprecedented in U.S. history, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is set to become vice president of the United States, Vice President Joe Biden will become president of Afghanistan and Afghan President Hamid Karzai will be traded to the Minnesota Vikings.

Posted on Oct 10, 2010


Democrats to Employ Man Who Played Obama During 2008 Campaign

According to preliminary plans, the guy who played Obama in 2008 will be used to fire up huge crowds in key races, while the actual President Obama will remain behind in Washington giving boring speeches about electronic medical records.

Posted on Oct 3, 2010


Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell

Galvanized by Republican senatorial nominee Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation stance, masturbators from across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are calling the largest pro-wanking protest in American history.

Posted on Sep 19, 2010


Rabid Dog Briefly Mistaken for Tea Party Candidate

A rabid Doberman pinscher jumped on stage at a tea party rally in Missouri on Labor Day and barked at the crowd for nearly 20 minutes before people realized he was not a candidate.

Posted on Sep 12, 2010


Palin Says Refudiate Appears in Fictionary

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin defended her use of the word refudiate, telling her critics, “Look it up in the fictionary.” While claiming that refudiate is a real word, she reserved her right to make up new words in the future.

Posted on Jul 25, 2010


Millions Watch Rich Guy Get New Job

Based on the record ratings for its special featuring LeBron James’ announcement of his new team, ESPN announced that instead of airing NBA games, it would schedule two-hour specials showing the rich guy cashing his ginormous paychecks.

Posted on Jul 11, 2010


Hawking: Aliens ‘No Longer Interested’ in Invading Earth

“Assuming that aliens have been monitoring Earth for the past month in preparation for an invasion, they’ve probably figured out it’s no longer worth the trip,” Dr. Hawking said.

Posted on Jun 27, 2010


BP Develops Technology to Convert Lies Into Energy

At a press conference at corporate headquarters in London, BP CEO Tony Hayward said that environmentalists would embrace the new technology “because lies are a totally renewable resource.”

Posted on Jun 20, 2010



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